Background
Your favorite cousin has moved to your town and is looking for a job.
Her previous experiences are working as a cashier and sales clerk at two
department stores. You know she plans to apply at similar stores in your
town. But you also know she is a perfect match for a job opening as a
reliable assistant to your boss. You know she has the skills, though she
doesn’t think she is as capable as she is, and you’re sure she’d be good
at this job.
Your goal is to persuade your cousin to apply for the job. You email her
a paragraph explaining the specifics of the job and the reasons she
should apply. You want to convince her that she has the job skills
required. You’ll use an informal tone, of course, but will take care to use
correct business writing to show her that you take your recommendation
seriously.
Process
1. Using your imagination, create the kind of skills the job as boss’s
assistant requires. Make up names for your boss and the company,
as well as any facts that might help you prove your case to your
cousin. Freewrite about the skills you’ve seen her show in other
settings and about how you can convince her to use those abilities
in this position. In addition, consider personality traits that show
she would work well with your boss. Also make up details and figures
about how this job will benefit your cousin personally and
professionally.
2. Circle the information your cousin most needs to hear to be persuaded
to apply for this job. You won’t be able to use everything
you made up. Organize the details and explanation using an order
of importance pattern.
3. Open the Word document containing your draft of Paragraph 1 and
begin a new page. Type the heading Paragraph 2 and draft your
8–12 sentence paragraph. Begin with the topic sentence, in which
you establish your confidence in your cousin and spark her interest
in applying for this job. Develop your paragraph using clear, varied
sentences and concrete words with transitions or connectives that
create a logical flow. Use the information you’ve identified as most
important and make your paragraph as persuasive as possible.
I WROTE :
Paragraph 2
Cynthia, I am so happy you finally moved back to Athens. I spoke to your mom the other day, she told me you were looking for a job; I know you recently worked as a cashier and a sales clerk. Therefore, I have a very special offer for you. To begin with, I work at The Divani Caravel Hotel Athens. With that being said, my boss Mr. Guiseppe is looking for an assistant. He needs someone: who is computer literate, has strong interpersonal skills, loves to travel, and is optimist. For this reason, I thought of you right away; you are the perfect match. Your job mainly consists to enter computer data, organize and attend meetings, spread positivity among your co-workers, and interact with new people every day. Moreover, as soon as you start working, you get full insurance coverage with 2 week of paid vacation and you will earn around $60,000 annually. In addition to these work benefits, you will also get the opportunity to travel around the world for business purposes; one advantage is that at the same time you fulfill your dream which is a personal benefit. Furthermore, professionally you gain a lot of experience; new doors of opportunities open up for your future. This is a one in a lifetime opportunity, don’t miss it. It is different from your previous work experiences but I am confident that no one can do it better than you. Send out your application as soon as possible and I will put in a good word to Mr. Guiseppe. Hope to start working with you soon.
If i have any faults could you tell me the sentence and give examples. I am visual and it's a bit hard for me to understand without any specific examples.
Cynthia, I am so happy **that** you **** moved back to Athens. I spoke to your mom the other day.*** She told me **that** you were looking for a job. ** I know you *** worked as a cashier and a sales clerk **recently**. Therefore, I have a very special offer for you. **** I work at The Divani Caravel Hotel Athens. *** M boss, Mr. Guiseppe, is looking for an assistant. He needs someone: who is computer literate, has strong interpersonal skills, loves to travel, and is **an**optimist. For this reason, I thought of you right away. **You are the perfect match. **The** job mainly consists **of entering** computer data, organizing and attending meetings, spreading positivity among your co-workers, and interacting with new people every day. **As soon as you start working, you get full insurance coverage with 2 week**s** of paid vacation and you will earn around $60,000 annually. In addition to these work benefits, you will also get the opportunity to travel around the world for business purposes.** One advantage is that at the same time you fulfill your dream ***. Furthermore, professionally you gain a lot of experience New doors of opportunity open up for your future. This is a **once** in a lifetime opportunity**;** don’t miss it. It is different from your previous work experiences but I am confident that no one can do it better than you. Send out your application as soon as possible and I will put in a good word **with** Mr. Guiseppe. **I **hope to start working with you soon.
Thank you sooo much Damon. It is such a great help. You're the best !
Paragraph 2:
Cynthia, I am so thrilled that you've moved back to Athens. I recently spoke to your mom and learned that you're on the lookout for a job. I have a fantastic opportunity for you! I work at The Divani Caravel Hotel Athens, where my boss Mr. Guiseppe is in need of an assistant. The role requires someone who is computer literate, has strong interpersonal skills, loves to travel, and has an optimistic outlook. That's why I immediately thought of you - you're the perfect fit! In this position, your responsibilities would include entering computer data, organizing and attending meetings, spreading positivity among your co-workers, and engaging with new people on a daily basis. As soon as you start working, you'll receive full insurance coverage, 2 weeks of paid vacation, and an annual salary of around $60,000. On top of these work benefits, you'll also have the opportunity to travel around the world for business purposes, fulfilling your personal dream. Professionally, this job will provide you with valuable experience and open doors to new opportunities in the future. This is truly a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so don't let it slip away. While it may be different from your previous work experiences, I genuinely believe that nobody could excel at it better than you. Send your application as soon as possible, and I will personally vouch for you to Mr. Guiseppe. I can't wait to start working with you soon.
Your paragraph is well-written and persuasive. However, here are a few suggestions to make it even stronger:
1. Consider adding specific examples of skills or experiences your cousin has that match the requirements of the job. For example, you could mention how she excelled at customer service in her previous roles as a cashier and sales clerk, showcasing her strong interpersonal skills.
2. Provide more concrete details about the benefits your cousin will receive, such as the specific insurance coverage, the number of vacation days, and the potential travel destinations.
3. Use more varied sentence structures to add fluency and interest to your paragraph. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Your job mainly consists of," you can rephrase some sentences to have a different beginning.
Overall, great job on your paragraph! It effectively presents the benefits and persuades your cousin to consider applying for the job.