Hey! Could you help me correct this essay (or part of it) please? Thank you very much
Bruselas, el 5 de mayo de 2008
Querida Susana,
Qué tal? Espero que estés bien. Te escribo para darte noticias mías y de la gente que conociste aquí.
En este momento, el tiempo está lindísimo. Estamos todos luchando contra la tentación de pasar nuestro tiempo libre fuera. Pero hay que estudiar ya que, ya lo sabes, los exámenes están acercándose.
Yo estoy bien, aunque un poco nerviosa. Elodie ha venido varias veces a mi casa esta semana para repasar conmigo. Ella se ha vuelto mi mejor amiga aquí. La verdad es que el ambiente en la escuela ha cambiado estos últimos meses. Te acuerdas de Sonia, Louise y Valentine? Pues, todas abandonaron sus estudios en el ISTI. Espero que consigan encontrar una carrera que les plazca realmente. En cambio, Astrid, Mélanie y Estelle siguen muy motivadas. Mélanie incluso se mudó para Bruselas para que no tuviera que hacer un trayecto tan largo todos los días.
El mes pasado, recibí la visita de mis primos de Francia (un chico de mi edad y su hermana de diez años). Aproveché para visitar algunos lugares de Bruselas que todavía desconocía. Todo podía estar perfecto si no fuera el miedo que pasamos la noche en que fuimos a ver los fuegos artificales cerca del Atomium (ya lo sabes, este año se celebra los cincuenta años de la exposición universal de Bruselas). Lo estábamos pasando estupendamente cuando, de repente, perdimos de vista a la niña. Había tanta gente que no la conseguíamos encontrar. Fueron momentos horribles. Mi primo y yo fuimos a contarlo todo a la policía más cercana. Y, para nuestro gran alivio, la niña estaba allá! Pobrecita, había quedado muy brava.
Bueno, he pensado en tu propuesta de venir a verte en Madríd estas vacaciones. Me apetece muchísimo! Para decirte la verdad, me gustaría quedarme todo el mes de julio. Tengo tanta curiosidad en conocer tu ciudad y a tus amigos, ya que los españoles me parecen tan simpáticos. Escríbeme para decirme si te conviene.
Besos,
green_heart
Thank you for using the Jiskha Homework Help Forum. Since my eyes simply will not focus up and down, etc. I am printing this so I can read it offline. I'll be back shortly.
Sra
In line 1, don't forget the rest of the punctuation = ¿Qué...
Everything is so well done that I only have some suggestions about vocabulary and one verb error.
"Aproveché para visitar..." = Me aproveché de visitar (you might like better?)
Todo podía estar.... should be Conditional = podría ...because of the "si" clause.
"no la conseguíamos" = your choice, of course, if you prefer the imperfect or the preterit = we weren't able to or we could not...
"Pobrecita, había quedado" might be better with the reflexive verb = se había quedado... In that same sentence the adjective "bravo/brava" could be misunderstood so you might prefer "valiente."
Me apetece... Would you like "atrae/interesa/ganas tengo, etc.?"
From the name "green_heart" it's not clear if you are male or female, but the "nerviosa" in line 6 definitely says you are female.
Sra
Oh my, thank you so much, Sra!!! I actually wrote this for an exam I sat for this afternoon and I was so worried (I will ALWAYS feel frustrated after an exam) but now I'm okay, well, relieved.
Thanks again!
green_heart
Brussels, May 5, 2008
Dear Susana,
How are you? I hope you're doing well. I'm writing to give you some news about me and the people you met here.
Right now, the weather is lovely. We're all struggling with the temptation to spend our free time outside. But we need to study because, as you know, exams are approaching.
I'm doing well, although a bit nervous. Elodie has come to my house several times this week to review with me. She has become my best friend here. The truth is that the atmosphere at school has changed in recent months. Do you remember Sonia, Louise, and Valentine? Well, they all dropped out of their studies at ISTI. I hope they manage to find a career they really enjoy. On the other hand, Astrid, Mélanie, and Estelle are still very motivated. Mélanie even moved to Brussels so she wouldn't have to commute such a long distance every day.
Last month, I had a visit from my cousins from France (a boy my age and his ten-year-old sister). I took the opportunity to visit some places in Brussels that I still didn't know. Everything could have been perfect if it weren't for the scare we had one night when we went to see the fireworks near the Atomium (as you know, this year marks the fiftieth anniversary of the Brussels World Expo). We were having a great time when, suddenly, we lost sight of the girl. There were so many people that we couldn't find her. It was a horrible moment. My cousin and I went to tell everything to the nearest police officer. And, to our great relief, the girl was there! Poor thing, she was really upset.
Well, I've been thinking about your proposal to come and visit you in Madrid during the vacations. I would love that! To be honest, I would like to stay the whole month of July. I'm so curious to get to know your city and your friends, as the Spanish people seem so nice to me. Write me to let me know if it works for you.
Hugs,
green_heart
Note: The essay is written in Spanish. If you spot any errors, please let me know, and I'll be glad to help you correct them.