This is my entire, revised essay.
"A strong sense of freedom is one of my favorite things about summer. My freedom in summer lessens stress. It protects me from the pressure of incomplete schoolwork. It shields me from the worry of disappointing grades and shoddy assignments. Most of all, however, this great sensation of freedom allows me to relax, to have fun. Therefore, to be free from the stress factors of everyday life is not only a relief but a marvelous joy, if only for a short period of time.
Free time is another one of my favorite things about summer. Not being preoccupied by some kind of assignment or curricular activity brings me happiness beyond belief. It enables me to spend time with my family, to take part in the things they wish to do. It enables me to live life without the worry of schoolwork or the hours of exercise I haven’t yet performed. The ability to do everything and nothing at any given time brings life into perspective. It ultimately makes me realize what’s truly important.
Nevertheless, despite my love for summer freedom, there are a couple of things I missed about school. Learning new and self-improving information, for instance, is one of them. How relieved I remember feeling when my teacher, Mrs. Pfiefer, told me different means to improve my writing. How enriched in knowledge I remember feeling when I finally learned how to read a topographic map. Not being able to learn during my time of vacation makes me almost regretful. It’s because I wouldn’t be able to know the names of the constellations as I’d lie beneath them. I wouldn’t know how to write a poem about the birds I’d witness fly overhead without a few tips from Mrs. Pfiefer. However, before I would even realize, I would already be enrolled in school, longing for the summer once again."