What do you think? Does it require any improvements? Do you find what I have written persuasive? What do you suggest?
What I have been assigned: "[w]rite a 3-paragraph editorial that tries to persuade students at the University of Georgia to accept African-American students."
What I have written: "As a student, why have you enrolled in the University of Georgia? What do you wish or intend to gain? You might answer by naming the degree you want to pursuit in order to achieve your dream job. This is the same reason African Americans have for attending our university as well. However, although they came here merely for an education, African Americans have only dealt with harsh prejudice at the University of Georgia so far. Therefore, it is time for us to make a change.
Today, in the majority of our society, the harsh treatment of African Americans is not only accepted, but also encouraged. Nevertheless, we must change our cruel behavior toward them. They have become like us: students who have the same goals for education. How would you feel if you were hated by every member of the student body before they even knew your name? If you were judged by a characteristic you are born with? The color of their skin doesn’t nor shouldn’t matter. Like us, African Americans are living, breathing beings. Although many believe them to be inhuman, they have feelings and emotions; hopes and dreams. Like us, they also wish to receive an education. And who are we to deny themselves of that? Who are we to deny them of learning, to harass them, to judge them based upon their skin tone? We consider them as monsters, but what are we when we treat African Americans in this way? How are we any different from the vile creatures they are described as and that are told about to children by their parents at night?
Furthermore, African American students deserve to be treated with respect because, according to the Declaration of Independence, “all men are equal” and “they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights.” Therefore, they have the same right to attend this university as we do. Thus, we have no reason to treat African American students as unfairly and cruelly as we have. Yes, this type of behavior may be considered as “the norm” towards African Americans, but the reality of the situation is that this needs to change. Forget whatever you have been told. They are humans who came here as students; nothing more. So, we should treat them as such; as we want to be treated."
My opinion?
I haven't been following the threads from you and Writeacher very carefully, so I don't know what she's suggested. However, if you've followed her advice, you've probably done the best you can.
I can't tell how convincing this is because I don't know if it's addressed to students today or students in the 60s.
I do firmly believe that writing is a very personal activity and that it's the writer's responsibility to keep working on a piece until it meets his/her satisfaction. Letting it sit for a few days and then returning to it gives the writer new insights.
It is adressed to students in 60s.
Your revision of the first sentence of the second paragraph is really good. Nice job.
As long as you are addressing students in the '60s, this is fine.
Your editorial is a strong attempt to persuade students at the University of Georgia to accept African-American students. The overall message and argument are clear. However, there are a few areas where you can make improvements to strengthen your persuasive writing. Here are some suggestions:
1. Organize your points: The three-paragraph structure is good, but it could benefit from clearer organization. Consider dividing your arguments into separate paragraphs to address different aspects of the issue. For example, one paragraph could focus on the shared goals of African-American students and the university population, another on the importance of treating everyone with respect and equality, and a third on the moral obligation based on the principles of the Declaration of Independence.
2. Provide evidence and examples: While your editorial is passionate, you could make it more persuasive by including evidence or examples to support your claims. For instance, you could mention specific incidents of prejudice that African-American students have faced at the University of Georgia or cite studies that highlight the importance of diversity and equal treatment in educational institutions.
3. Address counterarguments: It can strengthen your argument to acknowledge potential counterarguments and offer rebuttals. Anticipate the objections someone might have to accepting African-American students and refute them with logical reasoning or evidence. This approach shows that you have considered multiple perspectives and strengthens your credibility as a persuasive speaker.
4. Create a stronger conclusion: Your editorial ends abruptly; consider summarizing your main points and leaving the reader with a memorable call-to-action or thought-provoking statement. This will leave a lasting impression and reinforce the persuasive effect of your writing.
Remember, persuasive writing is not just about expressing your viewpoint but also about addressing the concerns and values of your audience. By incorporating these suggestions, you can make your editorial more effective in persuading students at the University of Georgia to accept African-American students.