Can someone provide feedback on my intro to a body paragraph?
Some say that police brutality is not a big issue in our country at the moment. They say that officers have the legal right to protect themselves and others using their best judgment, and we should just trust them in doing their job to the best of their ability. I do believe that letting the police do their job without much interference is important, but some guidelines must be put down for them to follow, as things cannot continue in the way that they have gone.
"Some say" and "they say" are weak phrases. Who says? Be more specific. If your thesis is that better guidelines must govern police actions, you need to make that your lead sentence.
I agree, and your frequent use of "them" reveals something about your writing perspective that does not speak to strength .
To receive feedback on your intro to a body paragraph, you can consider sharing it with others for their input. One option is to seek feedback from your peers or classmates, who can provide insights and suggestions from their own perspectives. Alternatively, you can approach your teacher, instructor, or tutor to ask for their feedback, as they will have a good understanding of the assignment and can guide you accordingly.
When sharing your intro with others, it's helpful to provide context about the purpose of the paragraph and the overall topic of your essay. This will allow them to give more targeted feedback that aligns with your objectives. Be open to constructive criticism and different viewpoints, as this will enhance your writing and help you refine your ideas. Remember, the goal is to improve your writing and make your arguments as clear and compelling as possible.
In addition to soliciting feedback from others, it is also valuable to revise your own work. Read your intro objectively, considering how well it captures the reader's attention, establishes the topic, and sets the tone for the rest of the paragraph. Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly and that your points are concise and well-organized. Make any necessary revisions to strengthen your argument and create a more impactful introduction.
Remember that receiving feedback is an essential part of the writing process, and it can greatly enhance the quality of your work.