Can someone check some sentences for grammar and punctuation errors? Also, what are your hours?

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Thanks. That's awesome.

My question is this, did I get the punctuation and grammar right in the following sentences ? Here are the lines from the story for my creative writing class:

1. From an aerial view of the mansion, with its design similar to Chatsworth House in Derbyshire, England, one could appreciate that the estate was larger than Graceland and Neverland Ranch combined.

2. Knowledge of her numerous Olympic awards, her millions of dollars, her mansions, vacation homes, cars, yachts and jets did not provide happiness.

3. Because of nervousness, the nineteen-year-old fair woman tugged at the fabric of her pink semi-tight t-shirt before she ran her fingers through her black shoulder-length hair.

4. Happy with her workout, Gloria was lying down and massaging her leg.

5. Gloria, an eighteen-year-old petite, light brown woman with a red pageboy haircut, enjoyed being a gymnast. .

6. Thanks to a blizzard in Chicago, Vera and her new rival, Gloria, wound up sharing a room in a posh hotel that was a few blocks from the airport.
7. Instead of commuting in the cold to their two homes, they spent the night together and became good friends.

8. You got one interview with Tonya McFillin, the writer, and another with the pop god, Miguel Johnson.

9.You worry more, since you became more successful

10. Nowadays, the television playing field is different.

11. are less soap operas, almost no daytime melodramas and just a few prime time melodramas.

12. Also, look at my stomach. I think it got bigger.” Vera admitted while feeling completely embarrassed about her observation.

13. “Tell me, was I invited to this Party for Self-indulgent Sadness, at least?”
14. About sixteen minutes after their last conversation, almost at the same time, the two reentered the room.
15. Familiar with the map of the area, Gloria ran up as well as down the valley.
16. Gloria was used to running in the rain, usually it made her lungs feel more comfortable.
17. Exercise for the purpose of eliminating stress, Vera and Gloria were used to this type of medicine.
18. Sharp, electric sensations continued to surge through Vera’s legs.
19. Her jogging moved to electrical, tribal rhythms on her I-pod.
20. Ingredients, like eggs went into the health drink.
21. Unable to concentrate on running, Vera reared her head and proclaimed her discomfort with these words, “I can’t do this anymore.”
22. Wild with pain, they started grinding their teeth as well as their lips.
23. Furious friction between their thighs created deep, long and noticeable chafed skin.

Hi. Is anybody online?

1. correct

2. I'd put a comma after "yachts" but otherwise it's correct.
3. Scroll down to #5 here and read and study this use of the comma:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
4. correct
5. Awkward sentence, but the commas are correctly placed.
6. correct
7. correct
8. correct
9. incorrect
10. correct
11. ???
12. If you put opening quotation marks at the very beginning, this will be correct.
13. incorrect
14. and 15. both correct
16. incorrect
17. If the first word were "Exercizing" this would be correct; as it's written, though, it's incorrect.
18. correct
19. would be correct if you correctly spelled iPod.
20. incorrect
21. correct
22. correct
23. incorrect -- you need a comma after "long"

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