**Could you check my response and give me feedback on it?***
Jaycob is relaxed, sitting in the back row of the class. He is tapping his pencil on his open textbook and is avoiding eye contact with the teacher. His friends are quietly making jokes around him. In three to five sentences, explain whether or not Jaycob is actively listening or not. If so, what is he doing right? If not, what can he do to pay better attention in class?
(My answer)
Jaycob isn't actively listening in class. Sitting in the back row of his class will make it hard for him to understand what he is learning. Especially with other students around him that are talking. Avoiding eye contact with his teacher will also cause him to loose focus. Jaycob should first tell his classmates not to talk during class. If they continue to chat Jaycob should ask his teacher about moving his seat somewhere so he can focus.
(Should I have some kind of concluding sentence or do you think this is fine?)
(Correction)
Especially with other students around him that are talking. Avoiding eye contact with his teacher will also cause him to loss focus
(I just read back)
Wait I don't know... I think it was good before!
Yes, a concluding sentence would help this paragraph.
He will be able to listen and learn if he sits close to the front of the room.
Thank you Ms. Sue!
You're welcome, Pepsi.
Be sure you are clear on these words and when to use each one:
- loss
- lose
- loose
Also, this is a fragment, not a complete sentence:
Especially with other students around him that are talking.
How can you fix it without losing any of the meaning or rhythm of what you've written?
Your response is good and covers the key points. However, you can improve it by adding a concluding sentence to summarize your points and offer a recommendation for Jaycob. Here's a revised version of your response:
Jaycob is not actively listening in class. Sitting in the back row and allowing his friends to make jokes around him distracts him from learning. Moreover, avoiding eye contact with the teacher suggests disengagement. To pay better attention, Jaycob should communicate with his friends about the importance of focusing in class and consider requesting a seat change to minimize distractions. Ultimately, being more proactive about his learning will help Jaycob succeed in class.