I wrote two thesis statements, which one is good. Which one should I use for my essay.
1) Over the recent years, the use of illicit drugs has increased to some extent with the rise of drug
legalization campaigns, though, with reformation and implantation of new drug policies, drug related predicaments may be mitigated.
or
2) Drug legalization should be neglected and reformation and implementation of new drug policies should be take into consideration because it will benefit the society as well as the government in mitigating drug related predicaments.
the first one
Both are too wordy and fuzzy. The first would be better IF you go through and streamline it. Get rid of excess words. Simplify the vocabulary so it doesn't read like an exercise in using a thesaurus. =)
Use the ideas on this webpage to help get rid of the excess words:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
Use the ideas here to help craft a clearer thesis statement:
http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
THANK you Writeacher
"Over the recent years, the use of illicit drugs has increased though, through prohibition of drugs and reformation and implantation of new drug policies, drug related predicaments may be mitigated."
Does this sound better?
Both thesis statements address the topic of drug legalization and the need for reformation and implementation of new drug policies. However, the second thesis statement appears to be more clear and concise. It directly states that drug legalization should be neglected and emphasizes the significance of reformation and implementation of new drug policies for mitigating drug-related issues.
When deciding which thesis statement to use for your essay, consider the following factors:
1. Clarity: The thesis statement should clearly state your position on the topic. The second thesis statement is more straightforward in expressing your stance against drug legalization and advocating for new policies.
2. Focus: The thesis statement should focus on the main ideas you plan to discuss in your essay. Both thesis statements touch upon drug legalization and reformation of policies, but the second statement explicitly includes the benefits to society and the government.
3. Conciseness: The thesis statement should be concise and to the point. The second thesis statement is shorter and conveys the main idea more succinctly.
Considering these points, it is recommended to use the second thesis statement for your essay. However, make sure to provide supporting evidence and arguments in your essay to strengthen your position.