There are many famous places in Busan. I'd like to introduce two of them. One is Busan Children's Grand Park in Busanjin-gu. Many kids and their parents visit the park to have a good time. Children can ride a rollercoaster. It is thrilling to be in a rollercoaster. Many kids shout when the rollercoaster moves fast. The park has a merry-go-round as well. Riding a merry-go-round is a great fun, I have ever ridden a merry-go-round twice.
The other is Gwangan Bridge, which is best viewed from Gwangalli Beach. People can go to Seomyeon fast by taking this bridge. We can sometimes see fireworks above Gwangalli Beach. And the night view of the bridge is great because of the light bulbs decorated on the bridge. The lights shines brightly at night. Watching the shining bridge from Gwangalli Beach is wonderful.
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Would you check the passage and correct errors? Thank you.
There are many famous places in Busan. I'd like to introduce two of them. One is Busan Children's Grand Park in Busanjin-gu. Many kids and their parents visit the park to have a good time. Children can ride a ROLLER COASTER. It is thrilling to be in a Roller Coaster. Many kids shout when the roller (space again)coaster moves fast. The park has a merry-go-round as well. Riding a merry-go-round is a great fun, I have **** ridden a merry-go-round twice.
The other is Gwangan Bridge, which is best viewed from Gwangalli Beach. People can go to Seomyeon fast by taking this bridge. SOMETIMES WE CAN see fireworks above Gwangalli Beach. The view of the bridge AT NIGHT is great because of the light bulbs decoratING the bridge. The lights shine** brightly at night. Watching the shining bridge from Gwangalli Beach is wonderful.
Sure! Here are the corrected errors in the passage:
"There are many famous places in Busan. I'd like to introduce two of them. One is Busan Children's Grand Park in Busanjin-gu. Many kids and their parents visit the park to have a good time. Children can ride a roller coaster. It is thrilling to be on a roller coaster. Many kids shout when the roller coaster moves fast. The park also has a merry-go-round. Riding a merry-go-round is great fun; I have ridden a merry-go-round twice.
The other is Gwangan Bridge, which is best viewed from Gwangalli Beach. People can get to Seomyeon fast by taking this bridge. Sometimes, we can see fireworks above Gwangalli Beach. And the night view of the bridge is spectacular because of the light bulbs decorated on it. The lights shine brightly at night. Watching the shining bridge from Gwangalli Beach is wonderful."
Please note that I have made minor changes to improve grammar and punctuation. Overall, the passage looks great!