I need help with writing a topic sentence that briefly but accurately takes into context the quote below. This is a long quote so its difficult to make a topic sentence that deems appropriate in the sense of Allusion

D. Topic Sentence Three (Allusion) :

Primary Evidence (exact quote & citation--Henry, par. __ ) :

“We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren, till she transforms us into beasts” (Henry, par. 3). “Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, though fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason towards my country, and of an act of disloyalty towards the majesty of heaven, which I revere above all earthly kings” (Henry, par. 2).


Discuss how evidence supports insight expressed in topic sentence: (allusion to myth in odyssey, God)

Jamie, one final remark on your "sounding mature". Here is a lesson for you that will pay big time in the real world.

"In promulgating your esoteric cogitations or articulating your superficial sentimentalities, and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity. In short: "Be brief and don't use big words."

Honestly, I do not understand the last sentence on what you are to discuss. Odyssey? God?

However, if it helps, I am so reminded of the Lutheran Church of Germany during the 1930's and the war, a constant moral choice between Confrontation and Conformity. This choice haunted many for years after the war ended. In relation to the Jews, and other "outcasts" should one be directed by God, or Hitler?

Nevermind forget that. Those were just ideas to get me thinking but I just confused myself even more.

So heres is the thesis :

A. Thesis: To convince Virginia delegates to vote for revolution, Patrick Henry develops a passionate attitude through his rhetorical questions, aphorism, and allusion.

Here is my topic sentence: Henry’s usage of allusion reveals his passionate attitude towards convincing the Virginia delegates to vote for revolution.

**How can I change it to make the sentence sound more mature than its original state***

Here is my topic sentence for ALLUSION

Jamie, I think you need to be a little more specific about what you think it is that Henry is alluding to. Where is there an allusion in Henry's language?

here is what I suggest. Write your main development paragraphs in draft with the idea of your "topic sentence", but don't let it bind you in your arguments, you may change later.

Now with the development, and draft conclusion, go back and read it and ask yourself what did you say, and what evidence did ou use? At that point, write an introduction and topic sentence draft.

Then examine your conclusion. Is it supported by the evidence presented? Does the conclusion restate the topic sentence?

At that point, you can smooth it up. I wouldn't worry about sounding "mature" at this point, you want to have words flow from your brain that analyzes, and develops the path for thinking. You can pretty it up later.

The writing process should follow our thinking process, and seldom do we have the point, until we have went through the evidence and conclusion.

Exactly. You need to explain what Henry is alluding to, and why, before you can write your topic sentence. You have to know what your conclusion is before you can introduce it in an introductory paragraph or topic sentence.

Jamie, consider this: what is the power of THAT allusion, the seductive, destructive song of the sirens, to illustrate the danger Henry points to? What is the power of stating that we prefers to obey God rather than an earthly king? IT is not wrong to say that those allusions reveal Henry's attitude. You might also write about the impact those allusions would have on his audience. Also, speaking as an English teacher, your thesis sounds mature enough. Surround it with equally mature prose, and you'll be fine.

Topic Sentence: The quote by Henry supports the insight that individuals often ignore uncomfortable truths and are easily persuaded by tempting influences, similar to the characters in the myth of the Odyssey and their encounters with the Sirens, or the concept of disloyalty towards a divine authority.

Explanation: To write a topic sentence that accurately incorporates the quote and addresses the concept of allusion, you can focus on the main ideas conveyed in the quote and connect them to the broader context of allusion. In this case, the quote highlights how people tend to turn a blind eye to painful truths and succumb to alluring influences, which can be compared to the myth of the Odyssey and the characters who are enticed by the enchanting songs of the Sirens. Additionally, the quote also mentions the idea of disloyalty towards Heaven, which alludes to the concept of divine authority and the consequences of betraying it. By addressing these connections to allusion, the topic sentence effectively sets the stage for further discussion on the impact and significance of these ideas in the given context.