English

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I'm writing a personal essay for an internship. Is everything in this essay clarified? Where can I expand?

I don't know about you but I like living. And in order for me (and those who proceed me) to live a nice, long and happy life, we have to do something about the still deteriorating health of the earth. Since the 60's the Earth's life has been the source of several hundred people demanding that we doctor the only planet that humans can inhibit within reason. I am part of the new generation of these people. I'll admit that I don't go to protests or weasel my way into environmental board meetings, but that doesn't mean I do not help the environment in some way. For the past month I have been involved in KAB's (Keep Austin Beautiful) Blunn Creek nature reserve invasive plant removal project. During my service we have uprooted non-native trees, primarily ligustrum, and placing it in piles to be put through a wood chipper. Long story short the trees are quick to grow and can easily take over an area of a forest if left to its own devices. By removing these trees we provide room for native plants and habitats to retake regions, providing homes for the native animals of Texas.

Another reason why this internship is ideal for me is because of the sheer amount of experience that I would gain in my field of study. Even though I am sure that I will keep to the route of a computer scientist I have no idea what path I prefer. To me working on a database just as fascinating as data structures and algorithms. I don't know what else to put here.

In closing I would just like to thank you for reviewing my work and reiterate that TCEQ would be an ideal place for me because of my compassion for the environment and my desire to find the field that would be best for me.

  • English -

    Check out the meanings of these words:
    proceed
    inhibit

    Check out the non-parallelism of these verbs:
    ... uprooted ... placing ...

    Check out the mismatch of these words, in TWO places:
    ... trees ... it ...

    "Long story short" is slang. What better wording can you use here?

    Remove this sentence: "Even though I am sure that I will keep to the route of a computer scientist I have no idea what path I prefer." It's totally off topic.

    You need to expand on how you, your background, and your interests would help them. They want people who will be useful to them and their project. They probably don't care much what other interests you have or what you'd get out of the experience ... how can you help them!

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