Neat People vs. Sloppy People
By Suzanne Britt
I’ve finally figured out the difference between neat people and sloppy people. The distinction is, as always, moral. Neat people are lazier and meaner than sloppy people.
Sloppy people, you see, are not really sloppy. Their sloppiness is merely the unfortunate consequence of their extreme moral rectitude. Sloppy people carry in their mind’s eye a heavenly vision, a precise plan that is so stupendous, so perfect, it can’t be achieved in this world or the next.
Sloppy people live in Never-Never Land. Someday is their métier. Someday they are planning to alphabetize all their books and set up home catalogs. Someday they will go through their wardrobes and mark certain items for tentative mending and certain items for passing on to relatives of similar shape and size. Someday sloppy people will make family scrapbooks into which they will put newspaper clippings, postcards, locks of hair, and the dried corsage from their senior prom. Someday they will file everything on the surface of their desks, including the cash receipts from coffee purchases at the snack shop. Someday they will sit down and read all the back issues of The New Yorker.
For all these noble reasons and more, sloppy people never get neat. They aim too high and wide. They save everything, planning someday to file, order, and straighten out the world. But while these ambitious plans take clearer and clearer shape in their heads, the books spill from the shelves onto the floor, the clothes pile up in the hamper and closet, the family mementos accumulate in every drawer, the surface of the desk is buried under mounds of paper, and the unread magazines threaten to reach the ceiling.
Sloppy people can’t bear to part with anything. They give loving attention to every detail. When sloppy people say they’re going to tackle the surface of a desk, they really mean it. Not a paper will go unturned; not a rubber band will go unboxed. Four hours or two weeks into the excavation, the desk looks exactly the same, primarily because the sloppy person is meticulously creating new piles of papers with new headings and scrupulously stopping to read all the old book catalogs before he throws them away. A neat person would just bulldoze the desk.
Neat people are bums and clods at heart. They have cavalier attitudes toward possessions, including family heirlooms. Everything is just another dust-catcher to them. If anything collects dust, it’s got to go and that’s that. Neat people will toy with the idea of throwing the children out of the house just to cut down on the clutter.
Neat people don’t care about process. They like results. What they want to do is get the whole thing over with so they can sit down and watch the rasslin’ on TV. Neat people operate on two unvarying principles: Never handle any item twice, and throw everything away.
The only thing messy in a neat person’s house is the trash can. The minute something comes to a neat person’s hand, he will look at it, try to decide if it has immediate use and, finding none, throw it in the trash.
Neat people are especially vicious with mail. They never go through their mail unless they are standing directly over a trash can. If the trash can is beside the mailbox, even better. All ads, catalogs, pleas for charitable contributions, church bulletins, and money-saving coupons go straight into the trash can without being opened. All letters from home, postcards from Europe, bills and paychecks are opened, immediately responded to, and then dropped in the trash can. Neat people keep their receipts only for tax purposes. That’s it. No sentimental salvaging of birthday cards or the last letter a dying relative ever wrote. Into the trash it goes.
Neat people place neatness above everything else, even economics. They are incredibly wasteful. Neat people throw away several toys every time they walk through the den. I knew a neat person once who threw away a perfectly good dish drainer because it had mold on it. The drainer was too much trouble to wash. And neat people sell their furniture when they move. They will sell a La-Z-Boy recliner while you are reclining in it.
Neat people are no good to borrow from. Neat people buy everything in expensive little single portions. They get their flour and sugar in two-pound bags. They wouldn’t consider clipping a coupon, saving a leftover, reusing plastic nondairy whipped cream containers, or rinsing off tin foil and draping it over the unmoldy dish drainer. You can never borrow a neat person’s newspaper to see what’s playing at the movies. Neat people have the paper all wadded up and in the trash by 7:05 AM.
Neat people cut a clean swath through the organic as well as the inorganic world. People, animals, and things are all one to them. They are so insensitive. After they’ve finished with the pantry, the medicine cabinet, and the attic, they will throw out the red geranium (too many leaves), sell the dog (too many fleas), and send the children off to boarding school (too many scuff-marks on the hardwood floors).
Yeah! Go Sloppy!
question 1. What two adjectives does Britt use to describe neat people?
2. What connotations are usually associated with sloppy people?
3. Is the author’s main purpose to make fun of neat people, to assess to the habits of neat and sloppy people, to help neat and sloppy people get along better, to defend sloppy people, to amuses and entertain, or to prove that neat people are morally inferior to sloppy people? Discuss in writing.
4. What is meant by “as always” in the sentence “The distinction is, always, moral” (para.1)? What is the author trying to say?
5. What does the author mean when she says: “moral rectitude”?
6. What is the definition of métier?
7. How do you understand the use of the word noble in the first sentence of paragraph 4? Is it meant literally?
8. What tones are associated with this essay?
9. Britt mentions no similarities between neat and sloppy people. Does that mean that this is not a good comparison and contrast essay?
10. Why might a writer focus on differences and give very little or no time to similarities?
11. Find a generalization in paragraph 4.
12. What is meant by “cavalier attitudes”?
13. What examples does the writer use in paragraph 11?
14. This essay has been written “tongue-in-cheek”. What does the expression mean?
I'll be glad to check some of your answers.
1. The two adjectives Britt uses to describe neat people are "lazy" and "mean" (para. 1).
2. The connotations usually associated with sloppy people are that they are morally upright, ambitious, sentimental, and wasteful (para. 2-4).
3. The author's main purpose is to amuse and entertain by using humor to highlight the differences between neat and sloppy people. While there may be an underlying argument that neat people are morally inferior, it is primarily done in a light-hearted and humorous manner rather than a serious argument (throughout the essay).
4. "As always" in the sentence "The distinction is, as always, moral" (para. 1) suggests that Britt believes that moral judgments are often used to differentiate and categorize people's behaviors and characteristics. She implies that this moral judgment is not unique to this particular comparison between neat and sloppy people.
5. "Moral rectitude" (para. 2) refers to having upright and virtuous behavior. The author is implying that the sloppiness of sloppy people is a result of their strong moral values and their focus on more important things rather than neatness.
6. "Métier" refers to one's area of expertise or skill (para. 2). In this context, Britt is suggesting that being in a state of planning and organizing is what sloppy people are naturally good at or comfortable with.
7. The use of the word "noble" in the first sentence of paragraph 4 suggests that the reasons for sloppy people's inability to be neat are honorable and worthy (para. 4). The author is using it in a sarcastic or ironic manner, as she is arguing that these noble reasons are, in fact, preventing sloppy people from achieving neatness.
8. The tones associated with this essay are humor, irony, and satire. The author uses these tones to create a light-hearted and entertaining atmosphere while making her arguments.
9. No, the absence of mentioning similarities does not necessarily mean that this is not a good comparison and contrast essay. The focus of the essay is to highlight the differences between neat and sloppy people, and the writer may have chosen not to include similarities to emphasize those differences.
10. A writer may focus on differences and give very little or no time to similarities in order to emphasize particular characteristics or qualities that they find most significant or interesting. The absence of similarities can help to highlight the contrasting aspects and make the comparison more impactful.
11. A generalization in paragraph 4 is that sloppy people "save everything" and have ambitious plans to organize and declutter their possessions, which results in their inability to be neat (para. 4).
12. "Cavalier attitudes" (para. 5) refers to a carefree or nonchalant approach. The author is implying that neat people do not have a sentimental attachment to their possessions and are willing to discard them easily.
13. In paragraph 11, the writer gives examples of neat people's wasteful behavior, such as throwing away perfectly good toys and selling furniture when moving (para. 11).
14. "Tongue-in-cheek" means that the essay is written in a joking or ironic manner. The author is using humor and satire to make her points rather than making serious or literal claims (throughout the essay).
1. The two adjectives Britt uses to describe neat people are "lazier" and "meaner" (para. 1).
2. The connotations usually associated with sloppy people are that they are ambitious dreamers who have trouble organizing and tidying their surroundings (para. 2).
3. The author's main purpose in this essay is to amuse and entertain by making fun of the stereotypes associated with neat and sloppy people. She uses humor to highlight the absurdity of judging people's moral character based on their level of tidiness. There is no clear indication that the author is defending sloppy people or proving that neat people are morally inferior (para. 1-14).
4. When the author says "as always" in the sentence "The distinction is, as always, moral" (para. 1), she is implying that she believes moral judgments are often used to distinguish between different types of people. In this case, she is using moral distinctions to differentiate between neat and sloppy people.
5. "Moral rectitude" refers to the strong sense of right and wrong that sloppy people have. They have a clear vision of how things should be organized and are morally committed to achieving that vision (para. 2).
6. "Métier" refers to a person's area of expertise or specialty (para. 2).
7. In the first sentence of paragraph 4, the word "noble" is used sarcastically. The author suggests that the reasons sloppy people have for not being neat are not truly noble or admirable (para. 4).
8. The tones associated with this essay are humorous, sarcastic, and satirical. The author uses wit and irony to mock the stereotypes associated with neat and sloppy people.
9. The fact that the author mentions no similarities between neat and sloppy people does not necessarily mean that this is not a good comparison and contrast essay. The author's focus on highlighting the differences between the two types of people is a deliberate choice to create humor and emphasize the absurdity of judging people's character based on tidiness.
10. A writer might focus on differences and give very little time to similarities to emphasize the distinct characteristics of each group and highlight the contrasting traits that make them unique.
11. A generalization in paragraph 4 can be found in the statement "Sloppy people can’t bear to part with anything. They give loving attention to every detail" (para. 4). This statement implies that all sloppy people have an attachment to their possessions and are meticulous in their own way.
12. "Cavalier attitudes" refers to a carefree or indifferent attitude. The author suggests that neat people do not attach much value to their possessions and are willing to dispose of them without much thought (para. 6).
13. In paragraph 11, the writer gives examples of wastefulness by mentioning that neat people throw away several toys every time they walk through the den and sell their furniture when they move (para. 11).
14. "Tongue-in-cheek" means that the essay is written in a way that is not entirely serious or literal. The author is using humor and irony to convey her message and to entertain the reader.