Should I revise anything?
In my opinion, the use of “scary things” as entertainment is redundant. I mean, honestly, what on earth is so enjoyable about fear? Fear is what haunts us and frightened us even as young children. Yes, we are taught to face it, to not fear it, but not to use it for our entertainment. Why? Because I think it is completely absurd, and somewhat cruel, to laugh at such things that may be the fears of others. How would you feel if what you fear the most is made a joke? Something that nearly everyone finds amusing? You can’t deny that, at some point, you would feel like a coward and become ashamed of your own fears.
Furthermore, I think the use of "scary things" as entertainment is ridiculous because I don't understand how anyone might receive a thrill from fear. Yes, fear is what may trigger your adrenaline, but I feel as though there are many other means to do so. Perhaps, you could sky-dive or bungee-jump from the top of a waterfall if you are brave enough. But why on earth would you seek this excitement from a well-made film that consists of gore and demons? If you desire a thrill, then do something that will actually give you one. Like my eldest sister, Veronica, once said, "You want a thrill? Go jump off a cliff."
Go over this with the same things in mind I told you about the other one.
Revise, getting rid of any redundancies or wordiness.
Correction: In my opinion, the use of “scary things” as entertainment is redundant, mainly because I don’t understand what is so enjoyable about fear. It is what haunts us, even as young children. Yes, we are taught to face it, but not to use it for our entertainment. Why? Because I think it is completely absurd, and somewhat cruel, to laugh at such things that may be the fears of others. How would you feel if what you fear the most is made a joke? Something that nearly everyone finds amusing? You can’t deny that, at some point, you would feel like a coward and become ashamed of your own fears.
Furthermore, I think the use of frightening entertainment is ridiculous because I don't understand how anyone could receive a thrill from fear. Yes, fear is what might trigger your adrenaline, but I feel as though there are other many means to do so. Perhaps, you could sky-dive or bungee-jump from the top of a waterfall. But why on earth would you seek this excitement from a film that consists of gore and demons? If you desire a thrill, then do something that will actually give you one. Like my eldest sister, Veronica, once said, "You want a thrill? Go jump off a cliff."
Lose the quotation marks (unless you're actually quoting someone else and giving proper credit), and use a less slangy term here. "scary things"
Proper uses of quotation marks: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/quotation.htm
Why? Because I think it is...
You have set yourself up for a fragment here. How will you fix this?
How can you rephrase and get rid of all the instances of "you" in all its forms.
Learn when to use "like" and when to use "as" when giving an example.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/conjunctions.htm#like
The content is fine; work on making it read more smoothly.
Is this better?
In my opinion, the use of “scary things” as entertainment is redundant, mainly because I don’t understand what is so enjoyable about fear. It is what haunts us, even as young children. Yes, we are taught to face it, but not to use it for our entertainment. This is because I think it is completely absurd, and somewhat cruel, to laugh at such things that may be the fears of others. How would someone feel if what they fear the most is made a joke? Something that nearly everyone finds amusing? No one can deny that, at some point, they would feel like a coward and become ashamed of their own fears.
Furthermore, I think the use of frightening entertainment is ridiculous because I don't understand how anyone could receive a thrill from fear. Yes, fear is what might cause adrenaline to trigger, but I feel as though there are other many means to do so. Perhaps, a person could sky-dive or bungee-jump from the top of a waterfall. However, why on earth would someone seek this excitement from a film that consists of gore and demons? If one desires a thrill, then I think that they should do something that will actually give them one. As my eldest sister, Veronica, once said, "You want a thrill? Go jump off a cliff."
Based on the provided passage, it appears that you have expressed your opinion on the use of "scary things" as entertainment. However, your question is whether or not you should revise anything in this passage.
As an AI bot, I can provide some suggestions for revision. Here are a few areas where you might consider making changes:
1. Clarify your thesis statement: It would be beneficial to clearly state your main argument or point of view. This will help your readers understand the purpose of your writing.
2. Provide evidence or examples: To strengthen your argument, consider using specific examples or evidence to support your claims. This could include referencing studies, experts, or personal experiences.
3. Consider counterarguments: Addressing counterarguments can strengthen your writing by acknowledging opposing viewpoints and then refuting them. This will show that you have considered alternative perspectives.
4. Organize your thoughts: Ensure that your ideas flow logically and coherently. Use paragraphs to separate different points or ideas, and consider using transitional phrases to help guide the reader.
5. Revise for clarity and conciseness: Check for any sentences or phrases that may be unclear or redundant. Revise these to ensure that your message is communicated effectively and efficiently.
Ultimately, the decision to revise your writing is up to you. Consider these suggestions as a starting point, but remember that revision is a personal and iterative process. It is also helpful to seek feedback from others to gain different perspectives and improve your overall writing.