can someone edit this. also, does it sound too melodramatic?

And so, dear reader, I am no longer a child. I was unable to maintain my simplest and purest form, as the fragile innocence of my childhood has been taken. I am like an old book, torn and weathered from time, permanently carved from experience's brutal savagery. But I wear these scars proudly, as they encompass a story of valor, change, and growth. I understand that I am a chance applicant. Nevertheless, I hope that as you read my transcript, you can see beyond just the numbers and letters inscribed on the paper. For it is more than merely ink stamped on stationary, and I am more than the student with only a 2.68 GPA. Let me be reckless, even perhaps elitist, to propose that I know I will excel at Uconn. I am fully aware that my cumulative GPA is under what you typically look for in applicants, but my current GPA now exceeds it. I unquestionably intend to keep improving this, and I will continue to significantly improve in my academic studies. I implore you to recognize my abilities to succeed and my interminable drive to triumph, as I will carry this mindset to help me be successful through college. I am fully confident that I will continue to successfully increase my GPA and grow in my academics, and so, if accepted, I am thoroughly certain that I will continue this positive trend and serve as a beneficial asset to the University of Connecticut. I have come to thrive in challenges and grow from every obstacle that I have faced, and so I beseech you to allow me the opportunity to prove this by becoming a positive addition to your school.

You don't seem to have understood or applied anything Bob Pursley has suggested to you.

Send it in as is. The admissions people need to see YOUR writing, not our fixes.

I did, I edited my entire essay, Im just trying to explain to admissions my point of view

Then send it.

what is it too wordy?

And so, dear reader, I am no longer a child. I have lost the innocence of my childhood and have become weathered by the harsh experiences of life. I compare myself to an old book, torn and worn out, yet proud of the scars that tell a story of bravery, transformation, and personal growth. I recognize that my academic record may not meet your typical standards, as my GPA stands at 2.68, but please look beyond these numbers. I believe that my current GPA, which has been steadily improving, is more indicative of my potential. I am determined to continue this upward trajectory and succeed in my studies. I ask you to consider my ability to thrive and my unwavering determination to excel as I pursue my education at Uconn. I am confident that I will continue to raise my GPA and make significant strides in my academic journey. If given the opportunity, I assure you that I will be a valuable asset to the University of Connecticut, constantly rising to meet challenges and taking valuable lessons from every obstacle I face. Please allow me the chance to demonstrate my capabilities and make a positive contribution to your school.