can someone help me edit this
My Song
My existence thus far has been a musical performance. The world is my stage, the platform upon which I express myself creatively. My life is the reputable melody that I play on my guitar, and the notes are my memories and life experiences. As life ebbs and flows, so do the melodies that I create. My cherished sentimental memories are like reprises, essential to my song by telling me that it’s okay to look back and start over, and the more difficult memories are like codas, telling me that sometimes it is necessary to let go and not look back. My life song isn't always perfect, but is the result of my constant hard work and the interminable dedication of my discipline.
I have spent countless hours rehearsing guitar, reviewing the laws of musical decorum until I knew it backward and forwards, never ceasing to stop at anything less than perfection. If I commenced a song that was too complicated for my understanding, I studied the notes and exact rhythms, as with the placements of the adagios and castratos, until I could recite them in my sleep with full confidence. I never stopped at anything less than flawless perfection and full embodiment of the musical knowledge. My passion and learning the right way to play music validly reflects my view on life and drive for learning in general. I believe that you should never stop at anything short of full completion, always striving to do the best you possibly can.
The many hours of playing guitar with friends and performing at Jackson’s Coffee Place are forever ground in my memory. They are the espressivos and legatos of my life, the high maestros and lively beats, essential to my being and necessary in constructing my song. Reflecting back on it now, I can easily recall how the cold, shiny Birchwood guitar of my childhood felt in my hands, as with the sentimental happiness that came along with it. The sensation of both excitement and relaxation of plucking the first chord easily flowed through me just as fluently as the melodies fluxed from my fingertips. The happy sentiments of my past are what give my life substance, and so I cherish them with fond sense, as they were fundamental in creating the person I am today.
Even though pleasant components are essential to the song of my life, somber ones are also unavoidable. The arduous experiences that help people grow and change over time are required to progress, and I am no exception. My life seems to have been a constant series of humbling relationship inefficacies and self-acceptance botches . The countless days when life felt as if it were slipping through my fingers resulted in sitting on my hardwood bedroom floor, playing guitar, and translating my clumsy mistakes and failures into cantabile melodies, free atonals, and soulful elegies. I have found that through life's inevitable twists and turns I have grown as a person not only through its many experiences, but also through translating my thoughts and feelings into another form - music.
The world is my stage, and I am the performer. I hold my life and my guitar, and with every note that I play I speak a story; translating my past, hopes, and dreams into symphonic form. When people hear my music they hear me. Music is an outlet, it is how I express myself, and it is my life. Every note I play is a memory and emotion that came from an experience in my life, and even though it is complicated and imperfect, it is what makes up my song and who I am.
I thought we had already done this a couple of months ago!
http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1378546917
Sure! I'd be happy to help you edit your piece. Here are a few suggestions:
1. Clarify your metaphor: You characterize your life as a song, but the metaphor could be more consistent throughout. For example, in the beginning, you refer to the world as your stage, but later on, you mention playing guitar on your bedroom floor. Consider finding a way to connect these ideas more seamlessly.
2. Tighten your language: Some sentences can be more concise and impactful. Look for opportunities to trim down excess words and make your writing more direct. For example, instead of saying "The happy sentiments of my past are what give my life substance," you could say "Happy memories give my life substance."
3. Develop your ideas: Expand on some of your thoughts to provide more depth and detail. For instance, when talking about the challenging experiences in your life, provide specific examples or anecdotes to make the emotions and growth more tangible to the reader.
4. Vary sentence structure: Consider incorporating a mix of sentence lengths and styles to add rhythm and variation to your writing. This can help keep your readers engaged and create a more dynamic flow.
5. Proofread for grammar and punctuation: Double-check your writing for any grammar or punctuation errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence fragments, and punctuation marks such as commas and apostrophes.
Remember, editing is a personal and subjective process, so feel free to make revisions based on your own writing style and preferences.