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Homework Help: Writing
Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, August 20, 2013 at 8:40pm.
"Everything comes if a man will only wait."
-Benjamin Disraeli, Tancred
"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."
William Jennings Bryan, Memoirs
Assignment: Should we wait for good things to come, or is destiny not something we can wait for? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading,studies,experience,or observations.
Please correct, give feedback, and grade.
Essay
Destiny is an abstract concept. It can be controlled and not controlled. Good things can come to people naturally or people can obtain good things through their achievements. We should both wait for good things to come and not wait depending on the circumstances.
Good things can come to people when they wait. For example, a person who strives to work hard in college for four years will surely have good results. Through patience, that person experience joy in his or her success. Waiting may take a long time, but good things take time. How can someone get good grades when they do not take the time to study and wait for the result? We can wait for good things to come, but there are times when we can not wait.
A person can shape his or her own destiny by achieving something. For instance, a teen might successfully abstain himself or herself. By doing so, she or he is setting a good start in marriage. Their destiny is controllable. They are making a choice and not simply waiting. Destiny depends on the circumstances.
We should wait for good things to come. Through patience, a person can procure what he or she aims for. There are times when it is possible for someone to manipulate his or her destiny. This is based on the decision a person makes to accomplish his or her goals.
http://blog.eprep.com/2006/12/04/sat-essay-rubric/
I'd give this paper a score of 3.
Read the instructions for the prompt and then read the full description of the score of 3.
Then read and study what it takes for a 4 and for a 5. Aim for those.
Did you figure it out yet?
Assignment: Should we wait for good things to come, or is destiny not something we can wait for? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading,studies,experience,or observations.
1. I think they want you to take a stand on one side or the other, maybe not rigidly, but not right down the middle, as your paper reads. Yes, you can see both sides,but you need to lean more toward one side than the other.
2. Also, there are no specific examples. Read and re-read the last sentence in the instructions again.
Try again.
Essay Feedback:
Overall, your essay has a clear structure and presents both sides of the argument effectively. Here are a few suggestions for improvement:
1. Introduction: Your introduction provides a brief overview of the topic, but it would be helpful to include a clear thesis statement that states your position on the issue. This will give your essay a clear focus from the beginning.
2. Body Paragraphs: In the first body paragraph, you mention that good things can come to people when they wait, using the example of working hard in college. However, it would be stronger if you provide more evidence or examples to support this point. Additionally, in the second body paragraph, you mention that a person can shape their destiny through achievements, but again, more specific examples or evidence would strengthen your argument.
3. Counterargument and Rebuttal: To address the opposing viewpoint more effectively, include a dedicated paragraph that acknowledges the argument that we cannot wait for destiny. This will demonstrate that you have considered both sides of the issue and strengthen your overall argument.
4. Conclusion: Your conclusion restates your main points, but it could be more impactful if you summarize your arguments and reinforce your position on the topic.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and includes relevant examples and reasoning. With some additional supporting evidence and improvements to the structure, your essay will be stronger. Great job!