Writing

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This is the SAT essay practice. I wrote this in 25 minutes. Please give me feedback and make corrections. Grade me based on a scale of 1-6 ( 1 being poor and 6 being superior).

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
- Robert Francis Kennedy

Assignment: What is your view on the idea that great success requires substantial risk? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading,studies, experience,or observations.

Essay:
I agree with Robert Kennedy that "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly". A person acquires genuine success through substantial risk. This idea appears in many forms. From education to business and even to life. Success is one thing, but the authentic success is when someone dares to challenge themselves and take risks.
Students who take risk by taking advance classes are prone to achieve greatly. They risk lowering their grade point average, but in the long-term there will be success in college. They are well prepared through their risk that they take. The greater the risk, the greater the success. It is essential to keep in mind that not all risks will guarantee success. Furthermore, risks can lead to great failure, which can lead to great success.
I learned that the urge of wanting to be successful triggers a person to take risks. A friend of mine has a dad who was an immigrant. He escaped by boat, and along it were dead people floating. He encountered also pirates who would steal from people and kill them. There were thieves around his area and gunshots everywhere. Soon he ended up in America and made a good living. Through great risks he achieved great success.
Risk taking is not an easy thing to do, and success is not an easy thing to achieve. Moreover, real success follows with great risk and failure.

  • Writing -

    First of all, I see one too-long paragraph. If you have written in multiple paragraphs, you'll need to indicate that on this website by hitting the Enter key TWICE at the end of each paragraph.

    Overall, I'd give this a 3, and here's why:

    ~ too many generalities; not enough detail
    ~ sentence fragment (at least one, maybe more)
    ~ basic grammar issues (pronoun-antecedent agreement, for one)

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