BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!)

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One of my personal achievements has to do with artistic. When I was in the 7th grade I participate in the 2012 Reflections Competition. The theme was "Diversity Means...". I decided to do visual arts. In my art work, I drew a huge earth and on top of the earth I drew five people holding hands (one Haitian, one Jamaican, one Muslim, one Irish, and one Indian). My art work represent the importance of diversity, that you should accept everyone no matter who they are. After I submit my artwork, about 3 months later, my parents surprise me by taking me to the ceremony. At the ceremony I was one of the district finalist for the Reflections, so I received a trophy. I was so happy because this is my first time winning the Reflections and I'm hoping I win again this year and so on.



I'm done with this paragraph for the artistic. Now I'm working on the community. Please check to see if it's good and any suggests to make my paragraph better please let me no. Make sure there's NO grammar errors.

Thank You! :)


BTW --- The reason why I re-post because my post is all the way down so I figured that you forgot.

  • BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!) -

    please reply

  • BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!) -

    One of my personal achievements has to do with artistic. >> Artistic what? You can't just leave this adjective hanging.

    When I was in the 7th grade I participate in the 2012 Reflections Competition. >> You need the past tense of "participate."

    My art work represent the importance of diversity, that you should accept everyone no matter who they are. >> Verb tense error

    After I submit my artwork, about 3 months later, my parents surprise me by taking me to the ceremony. >> Mb>Two verb tense errors

  • BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!) -

    ok thanks

    any other errors or that's it.

    is my paragraph good?

  • BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!) -

    After you correct the errors, your paragraph will be good.

    Please repost it with the errors corrected.

  • BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!) -

    ok,

    here's my other paragraph

    One of my personal achievements has to do with community service. I'm currently in the National Junior Honor Society, Roots & Shoots, and Neighbor to Neighbor Gardening Program. I love to help others. My goal is to make a difference in my school and community. Getting accepted to the NJHS is one of my highest achievements. In the Neighbor to Neighbor Gardening Program we plant potatoes and any other vegetables, cook (for example making ice cream and vegetable soup from scratch), take care of the animals and much more. I want to get to know nature and learn new things in gardening. My favorites activities was when we clean the horses because this was my first time getting so close to a horse. Roots & Shoots is a club when we help the people, environment, and animals. This year for Roots & Shoots we were coming up with projects to help the people, environment, and animals. One my ideas is to help the families that lost their homes due to the Hurricane Sandy. We come with an idea by having a food drive since the families have no food and without food how are they going to celebrate their thanksgiving this year. When we collected the food everyone at my school donated we decorate the boxes, signed our names, and write a letter to one of the families. The adviser (a.k.a. Ms. Gonzalez) told the club that one of the families were very happy when they received the basket and thanked us.


    After you check it, I need help writing an ending sentence. Any suggestions???

  • BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!) -

    One of my personal achievements has to do with artistic. When I was in the 7th grade I participated in the 2012 Reflections Competition. The theme was "Diversity Means...". I decided to do visual arts. In my art work, I drew a huge earth and on top of the earth I drew five people holding hands (one Haitian, one Jamaican, one Muslim, one Irish, and one Indian). My art work represents the importance of diversity. You should accept everyone no matter who they are. After I submitted my artwork, about 3 months later, my parents surprised me by taking me to the Reflections award ceremony. At the ceremony I was one of the district finalist for the Reflections, so they gave me a trophy. I was so happy because this is my first time winning the Reflections and I'm hoping I win again this year and so on.

    this is the paragraph you corrected.

  • BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!) -

    My favorites activities >> favorite

    a club when we help the people, >> in which we help

    One my ideas is to help the >> was

    We come with an idea >>came up with an idea

    celebrate their thanksgiving >> Thanksgiving

    at my school donated we decorate >> school donated, we decorated

    and write a letter to >> wrote

    Your finals sentence could be something like I'm proud of helping my community.

  • BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!) -

    thank you soo much for checking my paragraph! :)

    Thank you Ms. Sue! :)

  • BAA App. Essay Help! (please read!) -

    You're very welcome, Laruen!

    Good luck!

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