English III proofread and tips

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Hi its me again! Is it ok to ask for ya'll to proofread these summaries I'm submitting? If not, I'll stop but here's another one I've finished.

New York Times
Putting Our Brains on Hold
August 6, 2010
By: Bob Herbert
In his essay, Putting Our Brains on Hold, Bob Herbert discusses the faded influence of the United States’ world leadership. He put an emphasis on recent generations’ fallen passion for education. In 2010, the U.S. fell 12th among the 36 developed nations “in the percentage of young people with college degrees”. Herbert proceeds to explain how younger generations are more engrossed by the lives of Hollywood stars than the success of their nation, “A well-educated population…is crucially important if the U.S. is to succeed in an increasingly competitive global environment.” He then compares the hard work of older generations and their willingness to increase knowledge of their world and country (with the downfalls of generations today). He concluded that “We no longer know how to put our people to work” and lists the degrading progress and achievements of today’s generation.
Herbert rightly criticizes the way our generation has intellectually and economically grown in the wrong direction. Down. Education is the foundation of a country. It determines the success or the downfall of a nation. We’re watching our country grow into an entertainment-technologically focused society. We’re impressed by reality shows and social status. We’re idle and this idleness sets the example we’re allowing younger generation’s to follow. We’ve become ignorant to the generations of hard work that formed our country. Their hard work made our future and we’ve claimed the work as our own. We must remember the passion we once held for learning. The passion for the American Dream. We can’t throw it away.

I put some fragments in there for effect. Is that okay or is it just plain wrong? (:

  • English III proofread and tips -

    Sorry, just realized the second paragraph had a lot of punctuation errors. Here's a somewhat better version.
    Herbert rightly criticizes the way our generation has intellectually and economically grown in the wrong direction. Education is the foundation of a country. It either determines the success or the downfall of a nation. We’re watching our country grow into an entertainment-technologically prone society. We’re impressed by reality shows and social status. We’re idle and this idleness sets the example we’re allowing younger generations to follow. We’ve become ignorant to the generations of hard work that formed our values and beliefs. Their hard work gave us the future and we’ve claimed that work as our own. We must remember the passion we once held for a better America.

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