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writing sentences and paragrahs

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Your favorite cousin has moved to your town and is looking for a job. Her previous experiences are
working as a cashier and sales clerk at two department stores. You know she plans to apply at similar
stores in your town. But you also know she is a perfect match for a job opening as a reliable assistant
to your boss. You know she has the skills, though she doesn’t think she is as capable as she is, and
you’re sure she’d be good at this job.
Your goal is to persuade your cousin to apply for the job. You e-mail her a paragraph explaining the
specifics of the job and the reasons she should apply. You want to convince her that she has the job
skills required. You’ll use an informal tone, of course, but will take care to use correct business writing
to show her that you take your recommendation seriously

This is what I have written, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Bonnie,
I am so excited to have you back in town. Aunt Clarice told me you were looking for a job. I know you have experience working as a cashier and sales clerk in department stores. My boss, Graham Markert is currently seeking an assistant. He is the owner and operator of Markerts Enterprise .He asked if I knew anyone that would be a good assistant, I immediately thought of you! I think you would be perfect for this position. The skills required for the position are, answering phone calls, taking messages, setting up appointments, and occasionally scheduling business meetings. You have excellent people skills, you are also compassionate, organized, and you have the ability to work quickly and efficiently, I know Mr. Markert would consider you a real asset to his company. The benefits are excellent too, you get medical, dental, and paid vacation. It would be awesome to have you on our team. I really hope you consider applying for this position. I can’t wait to see you this weekend.

All the best,

  • writing sentences and paragrahs -

    Looks great!

    One small correction, though -- you need either a period or semicolon after "too" in this sentence.

    "The benefits are excellent too, you get medical, dental, and paid vacation."

  • writing sentences and paragrahs -

    Thanks so much, really appreciate all your help..

  • writing sentences and paragrahs -

    You're very welcome.

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