Art

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This is the other paragraph I urgently need you to check. Thank you very much, Writeacher.




1)I hope that in the future the consumerist societies will be defeated and that with the money, or better, with the resources that we put away we will help people who are more unlucky than us.
2)Finally, in my opinion, the way to solve the problem is very simple: it is only necessary that all the governments of the world remember that humans are all the same.
3)People’s attitude to adverts has changed from switching channels to avoid them to enjoying watching them because they sell lifestyles along with products.
4)Advertising today can show you who you can become if you use a certain product. It can be more direct in its approach by trying to create a direct approach with/to its clients. When the level o satisfaction with people’s lives decreases, people tend to fill in the gap (??) by buying the products they see in the ads.

  • Art -

    1)I hope that, in the future, consumer societies will disappear, and with the money and the resources that we put away, we will help people who are less fortunate than we are.

    2)Finally, in my opinion, the way to solve the problem is very simple: it is only necessary that all the governments of the world remember that humans are all the same. This sentence has a BIG problem! The part after the colon needs to explain the first part, but it doesn't. It starts a new subject.

    3)People’s attitude to ads has changed from switching channels to avoid them to enjoying watching them because they sell lifestyles along with products.

    4)Advertising today can show you who you can become if you use a certain product.
    How can this be rephrased so that "you" is not used?

    It can be more direct in its approach by trying to create a direct approach with/to its clients. This sentence has a BIG problem, too! It just repeats itself, doesn't state specifics about "direct approach."

    When people's level of satisfaction in their lives decreases, people tend to fill in the gap by buying the products they see in the ads.

    There's a mix of first, second, and third person point of view in here. The writer needs to pick one (avoiding second person!) and be consistent.

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