Essay, please check
posted by poisoned thorn .
Societies Problems: Gangs
There are many huge problems in today’s society. One that I will use is gangs and drugs. Gang’s members are usually unemployed and they sell drugs for money. From what I know, living in Tulsa, Oklahoma, there are at least 2 gangs on each block. Have you ever noticed shoes tied together and thrown over telephone and electricity wires? Those are signs of gang members. There are about three different kinds of gang members. There are the dangerous ones, who murder out of, say anger or payback. Then there are the scared members who usually don't have a choice. And then there are the ones who join a gang just because they think it's cool.
I will explain the dangerous ones first. The dangerous ones usually have had bad things happen to them as a child/teenager and may have had close friends murdered. They usually have been abused and have become dangerous through anger. They may not have even meant to become dangerous or may have needed people to be scared of him to leave him alone. I can understand that problem and can relate to it. I have had the problem where I have had to make people scared of me so I didn't get hurt. It is common in gangs and actually, in the regular person as unbelievable as it may seem.
Next is the scared person(s) in the gang, they usually join the gang because they want to protect somebody and/or themselves. I have one problem with that; the fact that they join a dangerous gang to protect themselves, but one thing I understand in that is the fact that the "Dangerous" ones have said if you don’t join then you’re dead. Some that join this gang under the "Scared" label join because someone they know might not have a choice or the gang wants to the kill the person or what have you.
One of the very next labels, also the last I will talk about is the "Wannabe's." They join because they think gangs are cool. They want to be feared like gangs members under the "Dangerous" label, they want to be known as something. These people here usually get tired of being in a gang, or are usually scared of the gang. Another kind that is usually found under this label is the ones that want to die. As harsh as this sounds, it is the cold hard truth. They join knowing if they leave; the gang they used to be in will search for them and kill them. If you get kicked out of a gang they hate you and the whole gang community will hate you. If you leave a gang, there is a high consequences if you don’t hide they will kill you. If you do hide then they search till they find you. It is a bad thing to be involved with gangs.
I chose to write about this because gangs are a very bad and big problem in today’s society. I have known people who have been in gangs and have left them. I have known ex-gang members to die and have friends join gangs because they were scared. I don't want to sound hypocritical but I know this and it is a big problem.
Does this seem alright?
By the what grade are you in...
this is because in 5 th grade you learn not to use "i"s in essays. "i think gangsters are bad"....
So it was good but you need to have an attention getter.
For the body paragraph use examples in a story, if there are no stories then you use what happen to you. In my school i use transition words. Like when you want to say an example do for example, or to be more clearer or more. One more you don't say next thing i want to talk about,
about the dangerous gangs you don't say i will say about the dangerous ones. it is there are many dangerous gangs in public places. To begin with....
also in the conclusion this would be a nice BEGINNING conclusion,
"To sum it up, gangs are very bad in our everyday life. Gangs can vary in many ways and are hurtful to all people...."
i Am not saying i am totally correct, but this is what i learned and the correction that a teacher would make.
Get rid of all "I" references and rephrase. Write in the third person for a formal paper for class.
Re-post when you're ready.
Okay. Thank you guys. ☺ And actually I'm in the 6th but I was in a hurry. This easy is due in an hour and I just wrote it. Thanks. :)