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types of business writing

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Revised and wanting to know if it's ready for submittance:

BROADWORTH GENERAL HOSPITAL
Interoffice Memo

TO: Miriam Hopkins, Director of Human Resources
FROM: Shawna Parker, Administrative Assistant
DATE: March 22, 2012
SUBJECT: Sexual Harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace seminar

We have received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for our seminar to be held on September 14, 2012, at 10 am. Conference room 105 on the first floor has been reserved for 20 of our supervisors. Those attending this seminar are required to bring pens, pencils and notebooks. The trainer selected for this seminar will be Deb Walker. She will be allowed to enter the room at 9 am that day to set up before our supervisors arrive. Refreshments such as muffins, cookies, coffee, water, and juice have been scheduled to be delivered to our conference room by the hospital cafeteria at 11 am. All materials requested by Deb, such as a projection machine, screen, tables and chairs will be set up the evening prior. Deb will be bringing her laptop, pamphlets, follow along booklets and help-center contact lists the day of the seminar.

If you have any further questions or concerns please contact me. You can also contact Deb walker directly by email at: Deb.Walker@ or by phone at 802-559-6315 ext: 2206.

Shawna Parker
SP

  • types of business writing -

    "She will be allowed to ..."
    This sounds as if she'll have to get permission and go through metal detectors or something!! Can you think of a different verb?

    Comma needed after "chairs"

    follow-along ...

    Everything else looks fine.

  • types of business writing -

    Fixed :)

    BROADWORTH GENERAL HOSPITAL
    Interoffice Memo

    TO: Miriam Hopkins, Director of Human Resources
    FROM: Shawna Parker, Administrative Assistant
    DATE: March 22, 2012
    SUBJECT: Sexual Harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace seminar

    We have received confirmation from Jeremy Dittmer for our seminar to be held on September 14, 2012, at 10 am. Conference room 105 on the first floor has been reserved for 20 of our supervisors. Those attending this seminar are required to bring pens, pencils and notebooks. The trainer selected for this seminar will be Deb Walker. She will be able to enter the room at 9 am that day to set up before our supervisors arrive. Refreshments such as muffins, cookies, coffee, water, and juice have been scheduled to be delivered to our conference room by the hospital cafeteria at 11 am. All materials requested by Deb, such as a projection machine, screen, tables and chairs, will be set up the evening prior. Deb will be bringing her laptop, pamphlets, follow-along booklets and help-center contact lists the day of the seminar.

    If you have any further questions or concerns please contact me. You can also contact Deb walker directly by email at: Deb.Walker@or by phone at 802-559-6315 ext: 2206.

    Shawna Parker
    SP

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