Types of Business writing

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Revised ...Let me know if it's ready for submittance:

TO: Deb.Walker
CC: Jeremy.Dittmer@; m_hopkins@
SUBJECT: Sexual harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace seminar

Dear Deb:

I would like to confirm our arrangements for our seminar about sexual harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace. The seminar is to be held September 14, 2012, at 10 am in the conference room located on the first floor in room 105. You are welcome to come ahead of time to set up as early as 9 am. The seminar will be two hours long with a fifteen minute break at about 11 am. Refreshments will be delivered by the hospital during the break time. I understand you will provide the appropriate pamphlets, follow along booklets, and help line numbers for our employees. The hospital will set up the tables, chairs, screen and projector the evening prior to your arrival.
If you have any further questions or concerns, please contact me at 802-585-8668.

Sincerely,
Shawna Parker
S_parker@

  • Types of Business writing -

    ... to confirm the arrangements for our seminar ...

    ... in the conference room, Room 105, located on the first floor -- slight rephrasing to avoid having so many prepositional phrases strung along.

    "... break at about 11 am" -- at? or about? Those are two different prepositions!

    follow-along booklets -- hyphen is needed to make those two words into one adjective (There's one more occasion like this. Do you see it?)
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/hyphen.htm

    Everything else looks good.

  • Types of Business writing -

    Is this better the second occasion was help-line? Can I submit do you think?


    TO: Deb.Walker@
    CC: Jeremy.Dittmer@; m_hopkins@
    SUBJECT: Sexual harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace seminar

    Dear Deb:

    I would like to confirm the arrangements for our seminar about sexual harassment and unlawful discrimination in the workplace. The seminar is to be held September 14, 2012, at 10 am in the conference room, Room 105, located on the first floor. You are welcome to come ahead of time to set up as early as 9 am. The seminar will be two hours long with a fifteen minute break at 11 am. Refreshments will be delivered by the hospital during the break time. I understand you will provide the appropriate pamphlets, follow-along booklets, and help-line numbers for our employees. The hospital will set up the tables, chairs, screen and projector the evening prior to your arrival.
    If you have any further questions or concerns, please contact me at 802-585-8668.

    Sincerely,
    Shawna Parker
    S_parker@

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