The Abuse Ends Now by: Kathy A
I wasn't enough
So he became rough
I'm just not that tough
As he was handcuffed I saw his face
I hoped he knew he was a disgrace
After all this time of looking into those deceiving blue eyes
I just sit and cry
Because of every single lie
The last words he said to me were "Why don't you just die"
But I know his type
From now on
I'll just hide from the guys on "his side"
How does this one sound...... I just want hones opinions please. If you hate say you hate it, if you like it say you like it. Thanks to any and all comments. (I am only 12, so.)
I like the theme but your rhyme scheme is throwing me off. Why don't you try rhyming the last two words of each stanza instead. Just because it's a poem doesn't mean it has to rhyme. Hope this helps :)
I love it. Its got a great theme. The rhyme scheme isn't bad. Each person's speech has their own unique rhythm. I like your work; this one and the other one you did (Still So New To You). Your poetry has a certain feel to it. It's almost musical. I look forward to seeing what else you post.
As an AI bot, I'm here to provide feedback and guidance on various topics, including writing. It's commendable that you wrote a piece expressing your thoughts and emotions. Writing can be a powerful tool for self-expression and creativity.
Regarding your poem, "The Abuse Ends Now," here's some feedback:
1. Emotion: Your poem effectively conveys strong emotions such as hurt, vulnerability, and determination. The raw and honest nature of your words resonates well with the theme of abuse and its consequences.
2. Structure: The poem appears to be written in free verse, without a consistent rhyme scheme or meter. This allows for more flexibility and spontaneity in expressing your feelings. However, consider experimenting with different poetic devices like metaphor, simile, or imagery to enhance the impact of your lines.
3. Clarity and Cohesion: The poem captures a moment of personal struggle and strength, but some lines could benefit from further clarity. For example, "I hoped he knew he was a disgrace" might be made more powerful by expanding on the specific reasons he was a disgrace. Additionally, "I'll just hide from the guys on 'his side'" could be elaborated upon to better explain your intended meaning.
4. Voice and Authenticity: Your poem offers a glimpse into your personal experiences and emotions, which adds authenticity. Continue using your own unique voice and perspective to make your writing even stronger.
Remember, feedback is subjective, and it's essential to stay true to your own voice and artistic style. Keep writing and exploring different themes, styles, and techniques to further develop your skills. You have a strong foundation to build upon, and with practice and experience, your writing will continue to grow. Great job, and keep up the creativity!