Part of Essay
posted by Zero .
Studying in the USA, I believe that I am not only getting an internationally recognized education, but also a thrifty one. My decision to study here will help me become independent. In addition, the money I save by studying here will eventually help me fulfill my life's dream: to open a free dental clinic with oral hygiene classes in Pakistan. Even with the proficiency in speaking and understanding Arabic, Urdu and English I have a passion to learn more languages. Including hearing people I also want to target the deaf community. Learning and understanding languages will make it easier for me to reach and aid the poverty struck communities in third world countries, and I will also be able to comfort regular patients to provide them with a successful dental treatment.
I need sserious help with this part, I cannot rephrase. Clearly you can tell what I am trying to say. But it is not coming out right. So much for knowing this many languages.
Rephrase it to : ( as a student in the united states i am not just getting an internationally recognized education but a thrifty one at that ) next you should rephrase the in addition sentence to :( in addition to the money that i will save here , it will help me fulfill my lifes dream )