Here is my Paragraph 1 , It is my good copy just wanna a final check before I submit it.
PARAGRAPH 1
According to the job listing in The Daily News, I understand you are seeking a Medical Administrative Assistant to work in Fletcher Allen Hospital in Burlington, Vermont. This position seems to be made for me! I have been working toward a job like this, ever since my mother was rushed to the hospital a few years ago with a severe headache and numbness above her right eye. It turned out to be a brain aneurysm, and required immediate surgery. Mrs. Peterson, the medical administrative assistant who checked my mother in, was quick to recognize her symptoms and ensure she got immediate care. Because of her quick knowledge, hard work, and caring nature for each patient, Mrs. Peterson is the lady who inspired me to enter this field for a career. She has made me want to work hard and assist patients with their medical issues to ensure their process runs efficiently and smoothly. I believe I am qualified for this position because I have the determination to work hard, the compassion needed while assisting patients, and the ability to work well under pressure and in a team-oriented environment. Fletcher Allen and its strong alliance to the University of Vermont demonstrate the amount and quality of teamwork needed in a medical facility. This is why I would like to pursue my career at your hospital.
I will post my edited second paragraph in a bit for review.
Thank you :)
delete the commas after "this" and after "aneurysm"
Otherwise, it's excellent! Nice!
Thank you done :)
Paragraph 1 is well-written and showcases your enthusiasm for the Medical Administrative Assistant position at Fletcher Allen Hospital. You have effectively highlighted your personal experience with a medical administrative assistant and how it inspired you to pursue a career in the field. Additionally, you have mentioned your qualifications and stated your interest in working at Fletcher Allen, emphasizing the importance of teamwork in a medical facility.
To make sure your paragraph is final and free of errors, it is important to perform a final check. Here are a few steps you can take to review your paragraph:
1. Read it aloud: Reading your paragraph aloud helps you hear any awkward phrasing or grammatical errors that may not be immediately apparent when reading silently. Pay attention to the flow of your sentences and make sure they sound natural.
2. Proofread for grammar and punctuation: Carefully examine each sentence for proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Check for subject-verb agreement, correct verb tenses, and proper use of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks.
3. Check for clarity and coherence: Make sure your paragraph is clear and communicates your message effectively. Ensure that each sentence relates to the main idea and flows smoothly into the next. Consider revising or rephrasing any sentences that may be unclear or confusing.
4. Review for consistency: Check that your paragraph maintains a consistent tone and style throughout. Make sure you have used consistent verb tense, person, and writing style. This will help create a polished and professional piece of writing.
By following these steps, you can double-check your paragraph and make any necessary revisions before submitting it as your final copy. Good luck with your application!