Can someone help go through my homework? The topic is :
A high school diploma is important to my future.
I am required to write an eight-sentence paragraph that fully develops the topic.
A high school diploma open doors to a basic job, pay and is an eligibility criterion for most employment, which would otherwise be very limited.
It helps build self-esteem, instilling a sense of achievement, which is a contributing factor when interacting with others or making new friends because one has been equipped with the necessary core of awareness.
It helps one to build opinions and points of view for any given topic, as one has the capability of interpreting things correctly.
It helps develop a more meaningful outlook in life as one gains the confidence to make decisions, face life, accept successes and failures in good stride.
A high school diploma is also a stepping platform to jump start and prepare one for further education.
Apart from expanding one’s knowledge, exposure to wider horizons, looking at things from a better angle and train one’s personal attributes, one would make a significant contribution to the community, albeit, even a small one.
To some, it would even give a sense of social status, having gone through a common educational experience and build a sort of national identity and cohesion.
Without a high school diploma, one would probably be engulfed with fear and anxiety about one’s future, which in some people can be paralyzing.
Thank you in advance.
All this is very stilted and wordy. Study this, about writing concise sentences (writing your ideas as simply as possible):
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
Since many of your sentences also have series in them, be sure to study this about parallel structure:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
Then revise everything and re-post.
I have made some changes to my homework. Please let me know if this will work. The topic is :
A high school diploma is important to my future.
I am required to write an eight-sentence paragraph that fully develops the topic.
A high school diploma open doors to a basic job, pay and is an eligibility criterion for most employment.
It helps build self-esteem when interacting with others or making new friends.
The capability of interpreting things correctly helps one to build opinions and points of view.
It helps develop a more meaningful outlook in life.
A high school diploma is also a stepping platform to jump start and prepare one for further education.
Apart from training one’s personal attributes, one would make a significant contribution to the community, albeit, even a small one.
Having gone through a common educational experience, it gives some a sense of social status.
Without a high school diploma, some would be engulfed with fear and anxiety about their future.
Thank you in advance.
Certainly! I'd be happy to help go through your homework and provide feedback on your eight-sentence paragraph.
1. A high school diploma open doors to a basic job, pay and is an eligibility criterion for most employment, which would otherwise be very limited.
- This sentence effectively introduces the idea that a high school diploma is essential for job opportunities and sets the tone for the rest of the paragraph.
2. It helps build self-esteem, instilling a sense of achievement, which is a contributing factor when interacting with others or making new friends because one has been equipped with the necessary core of awareness.
- This sentence explores the impact of a high school diploma on self-esteem and social interactions. It's important to provide specific examples or explanations to further support your point.
3. It helps one to build opinions and points of view for any given topic, as one has the capability of interpreting things correctly.
- This sentence highlights the critical thinking skills that are developed through earning a high school diploma. Consider adding examples or explaining why these skills are important for future endeavors.
4. It helps develop a more meaningful outlook in life as one gains the confidence to make decisions, face life, accept successes and failures in good stride.
- This sentence discusses the personal growth and resilience that comes with obtaining a high school diploma. Consider providing specific examples or explaining how these qualities would benefit one's future.
5. A high school diploma is also a stepping platform to jumpstart and prepare one for further education.
- This sentence emphasizes the role of a high school diploma in pursuing higher education. You could expand on this by mentioning specific educational paths or opportunities that become available with a diploma.
6. Apart from expanding one’s knowledge, exposure to wider horizons, looking at things from a better angle and train one’s personal attributes, one would make a significant contribution to the community, albeit, even a small one.
- This sentence suggests that a high school diploma leads to personal growth and a positive impact on the community. You could provide specific examples of how individuals with diplomas contribute to their communities.
7. To some, it would even give a sense of social status, having gone through a common educational experience and build a sort of national identity and cohesion.
- This sentence introduces the idea that obtaining a high school diploma can also impact one's social status and national identity. You could expand on this by discussing how educational achievement is valued in society.
8. Without a high school diploma, one would probably be engulfed with fear and anxiety about one’s future, which, in some people, can be paralyzing.
- This sentence concludes the paragraph by highlighting the potential negative consequences of not having a high school diploma. Consider providing specific examples or explaining why the fear and anxiety would be paralyzing.
Overall, your paragraph provides a good overview of the importance of a high school diploma to one's future. To make it stronger, you could provide specific examples, explain the reasoning behind your statements, and expand on the societal impact of having or lacking a diploma. Keep up the good work!