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English Check

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Write a paragraph explaining why you think it is a suitable topic for a research paper, based on your research questions.


What are the risks of using cell phones when driving?
How will the police control people from violating this law?
will banning cellphones while driving going to benefit anyone?


Banning the use of cell phones while driving (including calls and texts) would be a very appropriate topic for a research paper since there are many risks related to using cellphones while driving. Furthermore there are many statistics of various types of accidents resulted by drivers using cellphones(whether calling or texting). moreover There are also many ways the police canprevent the usage of phones and enforce these laws, hence, this will benefit a lot of people and the driver himself.


Is my paragraph relevant to the questions and the requirements by the teacher?

  • English Check -

    In your paragraph, you are already diving into the content of a paper you haven't written yet! What your instructor wants to know is why you should write a paper on this topic.

    You think this is an appropriate topic because of ... what?

    ~ the many risks related...
    OR
    ~ the fact that this is an often hotly debated topic

    ??

  • English Check -

    Banning the use of cell phones while driving (including calls and texts) would be a very appropriate topic for a research paper since this is a widely debated topic that does not only affect the individual driving but other people on the road aswell. Furthermore there are many statistics of various types of accidents resulted by drivers using cellphones(whether calling or texting). Moreover there are also many new technologies invented to catch people who violate the law, there are many studies that compare united stats to other countries who have already banned the usage of phones and have strict laws to enforce it, hence numbers show a huge decrease in number accidents which will be great evidence to back up the benefits of banning cellphone usage wihle driving.

  • English Check -

    Much better! Read and compare carefully to find all the changes I made. Also, figure out how to include the underlined sentences with your first statement about statistics (your second sentence).

    Banning the use of cell phones while driving (including calls and texts) would be a very appropriate topic for a research paper since this is a widely debated topic that not only affects the individual driving, but also other people on the road. Furthermore, there are many statistics about the various types of accidents caused by drivers using cellphones for any reason. Finally, there are many new technologies invented to catch people who violate the law. Many studies compare the United States to other countries that have already banned the use of phones and have strict laws for enforcement. There are many statistics that show a huge decrease in the number of accidents when no-cell-phone laws are enforced. These statistics will be great evidence to back up the benefits of banning cell phone usage while driving.

  • English Check -

    Banning the use of cell phones while driving (including calls and texts) would be a very appropriate topic for a research paper since this is a widely debated topic that not only affects the individual driving, but also other people on the road. Furthermore, there are many statistics and investigations about the various types of accidents caused by drivers using cellphones for any reason. These studies compare the United States to other countries that have already banned the use of phones and have strict laws for enforcement, they show statistics that show a huge decrease in the number of accidents when no-cell-phone laws are enforced. These statistics will be great evidence to back up the benefits of banning cell phone usage while driving. Finally, these countries also use many new technologies to enforce this law and overlooking this invention will also contribute to how to make sure this law will be completely enforced.


    does this cover all my questions?

  • English Check -

    I don't understand this: "...and overlooking this invention will also contribute to how to make sure this law will be completely enforced." If you overlook something, you pretend it doesn't exist. I'm sure that's not what you mean to say!

    That part of the sentence needs to --
    -- be made a sentence on its own, and
    -- be made MUCH less wordy
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm

  • English Check -

    When you're planning and writing the paper itself, one more question to consider is this:

    How is talking on the phone by means of a hands-free device different from talking to one of the passengers in your car?

  • English Check -

    Finally, these countries also use many new technologies to enforce this law. By talking about these inventions and comparing it to regular patrol adds depth to the essay and tells the reader how the violators would be controlled.

    is this better?

  • English Check -

    Wont that be going off topic?

    Also can you check my last post.

  • English Check -

    Finally, these countries also use many new technologies to enforce this law. By talking about these inventions and comparing it <~~what is "it"? to regular patrol adds depth to the essay and tells the reader how the violators would be identified and prosecuted.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    No, it wouldn't be off-topic. It could be one of the counter-arguments to include so you can refute it!! You ARE writing an argumentative or persuasive paper, right?

    http://www.powa.org

  • English Check -

    them* (inventions)
    Is the last sentence good?

    No a research paper.

  • English Check -

    Change "it" to "them" and pray that your teacher will make the connection with inventions!!

  • English Check -

    Finally, these countries also use many new technologies to enforce this law. By talking about these inventions and comparing them to regular patrol adds depth to the essay and tells the reader how the violators will be minimized.

  • English Check -

    Very good!!

    Now change the word "talking" to "writing," and you'll be all set!

  • English Check -

    Thank you !! :D

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