english ( intro in essay)

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here is a finshed introduction of my essay on the book the great gatsby. im suppose to write how todays' bussiness men, celebrities, and athletes mirror the cntext of this novel. can u pleas tellme wat toimproveon. and correct any puncation errors.


In the Roaring 20’s America was addressing its newly developed machinery productions. As a result of this improvement the standards in American materialism also elevated. Majority envied nice cars and enormous houses. The commencing of an era of decayed social and moral values was established. The corruption of the American dream progressed, as the wild desire for money and pleasure exceeded more aristocratic goals. As a matter of chance, any person can have a fortune. But fortune does not determine social standing, and many newly rich find themselves outsiders excluded from entering the social world of the traditional socially elite, the power and tradition set. Hence, money in and of itself, is not the entry key. Due to the influence of media and pop culture, society dramatically changed. Jazz music flourished and the “flappers” redefined womanhood. Things that were once forbidden now became acceptable. Uncensored movies and pornography was at its peak, influencing the society into sexual relationships. Along with this freedom grew devastating pleasures of alcohol, drugs, and sex. Even after 90 years, when America’s economy is fragile, the desire for these types of materialism in society is still noticeable. We have witnessed several occasions where celebrities, athletes, and business men, seem to be directly mirror many themes, motifs, characteristics, and situations related to The Great Gatsby.

thanks for taking your time to read this, and giving me some feedback!

  • english ( intro in essay) -

    "Majority envied nice cars" = some article, either the or a.


    This isn't the only place I'd add a comma. Read it aloud and when you need to stop for a breath, it's probably where a comma would be in place. "outsiders excluded " = comma after outsidersmovies and pornography was " =

    Compound subject here..."movies and pornography was" = WERE
    + at their peak

    "to be directly mirror " = may I suggest either "seem to directly mirror" OR "to be directly mirroring"

    Sra

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