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Is this a better thesis statement?

The reason Willie was taken out of such a bad environment was to protect him from the mob, but it also ended up teaching him a new way of survival.

  • English -

    This would be better:

    Willie learned a new way of survival after he was taken out of a bad environment to protect him from the mob.

  • English -

    I had my three step thesis

    a. reasons
    b. bad environment
    c. survival

    I should change them to
    a. protection ?
    b. environment
    c. lsurvival

  • English -

    I can't tell without knowing what you plan to write in your essay.

    Is your emphasis going to be on the ways he learned other methods of survival? Or is your emphasis divided between his experiences in the bad environment and his survival? Or something else??

  • English -

    the first one.

  • English -

    Then, you need to revise your thesis statement to reflect his survival.

  • English -

    Okay I will work on this.
    Thanks

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