comm215

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please help me correct my essay. the topic of the essay is:"Why overcrowding of school are causing teacher's to lose their jobs overcrowding? and how teacher layoffs are the result of overcrowding." below is a copy of the essay i wrote...

One main concern both parents and teachers have is schools being overcrowded. Parents and public officials are warning that schools in some city neighborhood are overcrowded because a jump in residential development is not being matched with an increase in new educational facilities. Many programs, such as music, art and gym are canceled to make room for regular classroom. Our kids are the ones suffering the most from it because classes such as art and music are very important to a child’s development. In some states, academic classes are being held in the gym. Overcrowding has become so bad that lunch period takes place as early as 10 am.
The department of education says it plans to build more schools but that won’t be until another five years. A lot of teaching jobs are being eliminated; teachers are being laid off because of budget cuts. Everyone knows massive state budget cuts are on the way but how will they affect our local schools and student? It is not unusual for many organizations to do more with less. The government would rather build new schools, take on budget they cannot afford instead of hiring new teachers; but what they fail to realize is the fact that building don’t teach kids, people do. Many teachers are being laid-off because the government cannot afford to pay teachers therefore they overburden one poor soul to do the job that should’ve been done by two or three teachers. This problem can easily be solved if our government would stop giving money overseas; use it here where it’s needed. Illegal immigrant is also a big issue when it comes to school being overcrowded. It has been said over and over again that “children are the future” therefore it is very important they get the education necessary in order to succeed in life.

  • comm215 -

    I'm not convinced and reject your opinions for the following reasons:
    1. You've cited no facts or instances to support your thesis.
    2. You haven't explained why music and art teachers can't teach their subjects in the regular classrooms.
    3. The "government" doesn't build new schools; they are funded by bond issues.
    4. Why didn't you explore having two teachers in an overcrowded classroom?
    5. Local school districts fund schools; they do not send money overseas.

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