posted by HUM176 .
My assignment calls for a review of a movie or television show that tells us about the society in which we live. It must address the big-picture issues, not just the quality of the work. Could you tell me what you think about what I have written? Any feedback is appreciated.
The Blind Side, A Story of Judgment
Intentional or not, society is built and lived each day based on judgment, our judgment of others. A man of little means, a woman living on welfare, a child lacking in education, all are judged by the world in which they live. Do we all judge so critically? The Blind Side, a true story about Michael Oher, demonstrates how as a society, we all judge one another, but how some can see beyond the obvious.
Michael Oher is a teenager whose father has left and whose mother is a drug addict. After being bounced around from foster home to foster home, Michael feels that life is best left to living in his own way, which leaves him homeless and lost in a world that bases his worth on what he has to offer, which is very little based on outward appearances. Michael is an over-sized, African-American boy, who lacks greatly in educational skills as well as social skills. Michaels preference of playing with young children, whom even at the young age of five and six reject him, is an example of how society judges. This rejection only reinforces Michaels belief that he is not worthy of the better things in life, that due to his circumstances in life and the role that society has played in that, he does not belong.
Leigh Anne Tuohy does not view the world as others do. She sees beyond what is in front of her and looks to the inside of others to find the true story of them. When Leigh Anne discovers Michael walking along an icy road she stops for him and takes him home with her and her family. This is the beginning of not only a new experience for Michael, but a profound change in his life. This offer to stay one night ultimately turns to an offer of a room and a bed, something Michael has never had. With this Michael begins to see another way of life, one that leads to a life he never imagined possible. Leigh Anne’s ability to look beyond the obvious lacking in Michael and to see the true spirit inside of this gentle young man shows that not everyone in society bases their opinion on a quick judgment. Her willingness to open her home and life to a boy who society had shunned demonstrates the good that still resonates in this world.
The Blind Side is a movie that can resonate with everyone. It reflects the world that we all live in, showing us that there is a story to be found if only one is willing to look deeper. The goodwill and generosity of one family can lead to changes in the life of one person, changes that will never be forgotten. This movie shows that while society has a tendency to judge harshly, adding to the troubled lives of many, all it takes is one person to make a difference.
I see two paragraphs of movie summary -- no analysis.
I see a short intro and a short concl with very surface-level analysis -- nothing in depth.
From your directions, you need to spend more time (time = number of paragraphs in an essay) on analysis and the minimum amount of time on summary.
I appreciate your feedback. The instructions stated this was to be a review that must include a thesis statement, introductory paragraph, and at least two supporting paragraphs. Do you feel I met this requirement? (I will continue to work on the assignment using your suggestions though!)
Your thesis is good, but you need to be more analytic and less movie-summarizing overall. Here are my ideas:
1. Don't delete anything, but ADD more specific details to the analysis in the second and third paragraphs.
2. Go through and fix mechanical problems:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/intros.htm Double-check to see that you've incorporated their suggestions.
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/endings.htm Double-check to see that you've incorporated their suggestions.
And use the index page here to find the topics (grammar and usage) you need to work on:
possessives/use of apostrophe
plague words (see #7 for one)
repeated words in the same sentence (e.g., "based")
Post again when you've revised.