Hey All, Please rate my GMAT essay out of 6.
The topic is
“Of all the manifestations of power, restraint in the use of that power impresses people most.”
Explain what you think this quotation means and discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with it. Develop your position with reasons and/or specific examples drawn from history, current events, or your own experience, observations, or reading.
My essay
As the famous Spider man quote goes " With great power comes great responsibilities". This is what the people expect of their leaders. They want their leaders to use the power bestowed upon them responsibily. And the statement "Of all the manifestations of power, restraint in the use of that power impresses people most” is an extension of the same. The statement in question means the people would like leaders or people to power to be accountable for their actions. The above quote means that what people respect most in leaders is not when they use the power and authority bestowed on them, but when they practice restraint in using it. The statement means that great leaders revered in the eyes of people do not shy away from using power,they just exercise restraint and do not abuse their power.
Power is something very addictive. And when you are at the top there is no one to control your actions except your conscience. We often hear of leaders like Idi Amin, Gadafi and Hosni Mubarak who engage in genocide, the mass killing of people.The Egyptian leader Hosni Muarak had been in power for many years. Instead of bettering his nation, he has indulged in corruption. The people of Egypt were facing a lot of difficulties with high inflation. Poverty was rampant. Hosni Mubarak instead indulged in corruptopm.And when the person who is at the helm of affairs in a country is corrupt, who can stop him. Such a person does not show any restraint in using or rather abusing his authority. Any one who dares to question his authority is jailed. When people have power they will do anything to hold it, even if they have to kill anyone who opposes them. These people may have power but they will never have the respect of people. The common man will fear them but they will never be respected. The hatred and frustration can remain pent up in people , but as in Egypt, this frustration in people can spark a revolution.
I’d like to cite another example of how people respect someone who practices restraint in using it-Spiderman. Spiderman was loved and respected by the people of his city and shouldered the responsibilities that come with such great power. But when he turns rogue and starts abusing his power people are quick to write him off. They start to fear someone who was once a hero. But when Spiderman decides that he will not let the dark side get the better of him, people start to love and respect him again.
Ok, grading it as a 30 min draft essay, I rate it as 5.
This was a 30 min essay? I'd give it a 4 -- organization is good; content includes some repetitive phrases; syntax is OK, but would probably be better (polished) if you had had more time.
Thank you for your inputs :)
To rate your GMAT essay, I would need to have a more complete understanding of the essay prompt and the specific criteria set forth by the exam. However, I can provide some general feedback and suggestions to improve your essay.
Your essay starts off with a relevant quote and introduces the topic effectively. You provide a clear interpretation of the quotation and explain that it emphasizes the importance of leaders being accountable for their actions and exercising restraint in using their power.
In terms of organization, it would be helpful to have a strong thesis statement that clearly states your position on the topic. This would provide a roadmap for the reader and help structure your argument.
Additionally, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your position. You briefly mention leaders like Idi Amin, Gaddafi, and Hosni Mubarak who abused their power, but it would be more compelling to delve deeper into these historical examples or provide other relevant cases.
Your mention of Spiderman as an example of someone who gained respect by practicing restraint in using power is interesting, but it could be strengthened by providing more specific details and illustrating how this example relates to the broader argument.
When writing your essay, consider using a more formal and academic tone. Although Spiderman is a popular cultural reference, using it as a primary example may not be as strong as drawing from real-life historical events or well-known figures.
Additionally, make sure to proofread your essay for grammar and spelling errors. This will improve the overall clarity and readability of your work.
Overall, I would rate your essay a 4 out of 6 based on the information provided. To improve your essay, focus on strengthening your thesis statement, providing more compelling examples and evidence, and maintaining a formal tone throughout.