please help me if my letter is correct in the grammar.
kindly help me to make a good letter.
march,21,2011
subject:sales commission
to: THE MANAGER
DEAR SIR,
I am writing to you due to next month will be my annul vacation and,I would like to ask a favorale request regarding my sales commission in fujifilm outlet shop.I am shortage of financially and my family has no income in the philippines.I am going vacation although i don't have enough money to bring because my family is longing and missing me and some important matters needed my personal appearance.SIR,kindly please i really need your help in order to release my commission from the month of Oct.2010.I have not receieve a commission from the month of Oct.2010 up to this time.i hope you can help me regarding this matter.It would be a great gratitude and I appreciate you.
thank you very much for your kind help and consideration.
thank you very much and best regards.
jessie
english grammar -
You need to follow the standard rules of capitalization, punctuation (mostly commas), spelling, and spacing. Once you get those things straightened out, we can deal with wording.
Capitalization: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/capitals.htm
Commas: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
Put a space after every comma and period.
Spell out the names of months of the year.
Regarding the content -- remove all repetitious wording and wording that is giving too much personal information about which a boss is not necessarily concerned. Concentrate on the fact that you have not received your commission for October, and now it's five months later. (And what about November's commission? Decembers? etc.)
I'll fix all the wording for you, but then YOU must fix all the capitalization errors.
march 21, 2011
subject: sales commission
to: the manager
next month will be my annual vacation and I would like to ask a favor regarding my sales commission in the fujifilm outlet shop. i need your help in releasing my october 2010 commission. i have never received it.
thank you very much for your kind help and consideration.
jessie
Please repost when you have fixed all the capitalization and punctuation.
Dear Jessie,
Thank you for reaching out to me. I understand that you are looking for assistance in improving the grammar in your letter. I will be glad to help you make it more accurate and clear.
Here is the revised version of your letter:
March 21, 2011
Subject: Sales Commission
To: The Manager
Dear Sir,
I am writing to you because next month will be my annual vacation, and I would like to request a favorable consideration regarding my sales commission at the Fujifilm outlet shop. I am currently facing financial hardship, and my family in the Philippines does not have any income. Despite not having enough money to bring with me, I have decided to go on vacation as my family is longing and missing me, and there are some important matters that require my personal appearance.
Sir, I kindly request your assistance in releasing my commission from the month of October 2010. I have not received any commission since that month, and I truly hope you can help me with this matter. Your support would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you very much for your kind assistance and consideration.
Best regards,
Jessie
In this revised version, I have made a few corrections and improvements:
1. The date format has been modified to the standard format (Month/Day/Year).
2. The language has been made more formal and professional.
3. I have rephrased and organized the content to make it more coherent.
4. I have corrected grammatical errors and improved sentence structure.
I hope this revised version of your letter meets your requirements. Please let me know if you need any further assistance.