Ms. Sue we learned about the Victorian Era, and the three main things we learned about were the fashion and decor/ the Science and technology/ and the Leisure--Travel.

I have to write an essay which covers all these three things, and Im posting it on here, could you please proofread it, I referred to my text for all the information.

--Its just really hard to start the introduction, I kind of wanted to mention about all those three main things, but this is what I ended up doing....

The Victorian Era:

The Vicorian Era was packed with

amusement, hardships, and consisted of

a flow of different emotions.

Queen Victoria came to the throne in

1837 and reigned until 1901. Her

tastes, values, and behaviour set the

degree of excellence. The Victorian's

ideals, completed their own beliefs

about morals, hardwork, success in

business, and power. They had

"attitude" and had no doubts about

their values and beliefs. People of

this era were not really proud of their

own achievements, and had a serious

nature. The Victorian Era became really

hopeful about the future as Queen

Victoria's husband died. The British

empire grew larger and stronger, and

soon new discoveries were being made,

which all led to the growth of

Victorian Age.

Fashion played a big role in the lives

of the Victorians. Clothig indicated

Social Status and Victorian Values.

The wealthy dressed really well, the

men wore long jackets, high stiff

collars, and the women wore long

dresses made from fine cloth with

high collars to protect their skin from

the sun. Lower calss people were known

as tans as they worked outstide and had

dark skin. No one supported the lower

class. The rich professionals and

merchants lived in large houses which

showed how much importance they held

in the community. These large houses,

held large families, which consisted of

grandparents, relatives, and servants.

To keep warm, the homes were usually

heated with coal or wood fireplaces.

Small rooms stored more heat. The

wealthy were fond of heavy, decorated

furniture, heavy curtains, and

knick-knacks. Many of them left a lot

of unnecessary and useless things in

an untidy state. The poor could not

afford these luxurious things and lived

in small houses in the poor sections

of town or country. Science and

technology brought a very powerful

change to the Western World after 1860.

During the 19th Century, individuals

came in shock as Scientists and

inventors made discovery after

discovery. It almost seemed magical,

as new idead shone and sprung out at

rapid paces. It was confusing for the

illiterate people, as they couldn't

understand what was happening.

Scientists figured and found out

how some diseases came about. They each

had their own theories. Literate

people took deep interest in Science

and its future. As empires, and trade

networks grew, people came into

contact with new, and unexpected forms

of life.

The news of these discoveries were

published in newspapers, and written

in journals. Journalists often mixed

facts and opinions to get the public

curious. Medical discoveries had

been made throughout the 19th century.

It wasn't until the second half of

this century that Aspirin, Antibiotic,

Antispectics, etc. were discovered.

Vaccinations became available to

ordinary people during this Era as

well, unlike before. Science was

exciting and scary. It was exciting

as it uncovered mysteries, and scary

as those mysteries consisted of

danger. Not much people had access to

reliable information and news reports.

Individuals who lived far waya from

towns and villages had no idea what was

going around; they were less aware.

Science was a hope for many people as

they wished to find cures for the

serious and deadly diseases that gave

suffering to the civilization.

Diseases like Chloera, smallpox,

Typhoid fever, influenza, and

tuberculosis were common. They took

lives of millions of folks in

the 19th century. Children were most

likely to be affected to Rheumatic

and Scarlet fevers. Child birth was

very risky as women died in result.

Not much was known about diseases

at this point. Until germs and

antiseptics were revealed, doctors

gave patients infections during

operations. Surgeons did big operations

without washing their instruments and

occasionally their hands. Operating

rooms were very filthy, and smoking in

them was common. Many germs were

uncovered in a patient's body, it was

amazing to see how they survived

the surgery, as there weren't high

chances of them recovering. In 1857,

the French scentist, Louis Pasteur

discovered that bacilli was what

caused many diseases. He also found

out what caused Anthrax, Chloera, and

Rabies. he used Carbolic acid

and gave individuals vaccination

against the diseases. He didn't become

wealthy in his life, despite being so

educated; he chose to lead a simple and

sweet life. He found happiness in his

works.

Boredom didn't exist during the

Victorian Era, there was so much

entertainment around which didn't

involve technology. In the cities,

parties, concerts, fairs, circuses,

and shows took place. The country

was full of excitement as well.

There were barn raisings, quilting

bees, weddings, celidhs, barn dances,

and other fun things were freely

available. Books and magazines were

widely read, and Charles Dickens's

stories were also serialized.

They had a lot of amusing things to do,

but many of their amusements were

thought of as strange and cruel.

Sport were really popular, such as

Swimming, bear-baiting, dog-and-bull

fighting, and bare-knuckle boxing.

Bare-knuckle boxing drew a lot of

people. Marquis of queensbury was the

one to issue rules on this sport, and

make it more appropriate. He

suggested boxing gloves, and limited

the duration of rounds. These sets of

customs and rules were applied to the

game. Medicine shows were also loved.

The patent medicines were sold, and

were promised to cure anything, which

infact worsened conditions of all

folks. It either made them drunk or

made them vomit.

Jobs were easily found for the disabled

an the sideshows.

The disabled people got money as

they showed their handicaps to other

individuals.

Back in the Victorian Age, there was no

Television, radio, movies, videos, or

recorded music, therefore people

gave themselves entertainment by

making their own music, holding dances,

talking, and playing Parlour games.

Card games were also popular such as

whist. Checkers and chess were also

played. Young people met eachother at

large gatherings, and played these

games. Social status didn't hold

importance for the children, they were

each accepted in the groups.

The old games were passed down through

generations, different cultures

created different games, which were

played by everyone.

The victorian Era passed down an

oppurtunity to travel for enjoyment.

Individuals that had money to spend

travelled to places like Europe

and America when they could.

Lots of experiences were faced, such

as nighlife, parties, etc.

The invention of the steamboat brought

another joy to the era, as people

could cross the atlantic with it

and embark on other adventures. The

steamboats provided luxurious cabins

and recreation facilities.

Land travel was possible with the

invention of the new steam locomotives.

It was an oppurtunity for the poor to

travel and have fun as well. The

railways had timetables which all

individuals were bound to follow.

A train could arrive late, and not

early.

On the whole, the Victorian Era was

like a motion picture which contained

action, horror, and excitement.

This is good, Sara. You seem to have covered everything.

I'm sure you'll want to change this sentence. People were NOT hopeful when Prince Albert died.

"The Victorian Era became really hopeful about the future as Queen Victoria's husband died."

You have some typos. Go back and reread this slowly to find them.

As Queen Victoria's husband died, people did not lose hope about their future, and moved on with their lives.

Is this sentence better, Im trying to say it from a different context.

This essay isnt too long, is it? Like are there parts in here which I could cut, or not?

That sentence is much better.

Yes, the essay could be cut. Edit it carefully to get rid of the redundancies.

Alright, thanks Ms. Sue:)

You're welcome, Sara.

Overall, your essay covers the three main aspects of the Victorian Era - fashion and decor, science and technology, and leisure and travel. However, there are a few areas where you can improve the structure and clarity of your writing.

First, let's focus on the introduction. Instead of starting with a general statement about the era, you can begin by briefly mentioning the three main aspects that you will be discussing in the essay. For example, you can say something like: "The Victorian Era, spanning from 1837 to 1901, was characterized by intricate fashion and decor, groundbreaking advancements in science and technology, and a vibrant leisure culture that included travel."

Next, let's look at each of the three main sections of your essay:

Fashion and decor:
In this section, you provide some information about the social status and values associated with fashion in the Victorian Era. However, there are some grammar and organization issues that need to be addressed. For instance, you can improve the flow by separating the description of men's and women's fashion into separate paragraphs. Additionally, be cautious of typos and double-check your sentence structures. Finally, try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your statements about fashion and decor.

Science and technology:
This section provides a good overview of the scientific and technological advancements during the Victorian Era. However, you can improve the readability by breaking the text into smaller paragraphs. Additionally, it would be helpful to explain some specific discoveries or inventors to give the reader a deeper understanding of the era's scientific achievements.

Leisure and travel:
In this section, you discuss various forms of entertainment and travel during the Victorian Era. Like the previous sections, it would be beneficial to break the text into smaller paragraphs. Additionally, try to provide more concrete examples or anecdotes to engage the reader and support your points.

In conclusion, the structure and organization of your essay could use some improvement. Consider revising the introduction to provide a clearer overview of the three main aspects of the Victorian Era you will be discussing. Additionally, focus on separating your essay into smaller paragraphs to enhance readability. Finally, provide more specific examples or evidence to support your statements throughout the essay.