I really hope you can check these sentences for me. I tried to rephrase the beginning of chapter five of Shelley's Frankenstein.
1) The scene takes place during a dreary night. It is one in the morning and the rain taps dismally (I need a synonym) against the window panes.
2) Frankenstein collects the instruments of life to infuse life into the lifeless being that lies at his feet.
3) His candle is nearly extinguished, when he sees the dull yellow eye of his creature open.The creature breathes hard and moves its limbs convulsively.
4) Dr Frankenstein finds it difficult to describe his emotions at the sight of the wretch he has tried to form.
5)Victor feels violently ill, as though he had witnessed a great catastrophe. Though he had selected the creature's parts because he considered them beautiful, the finished man is hideous.
6) He has thin black lips, inhuman eyes, and a shriveled complexion. His sallow skin enables to see (the pulsing work of) his muscles, arteries, and veins.
7) These physical traits contrast with his thick, shiny black hair and pearly white teeth.
8) He starts thinking of the two years spent creating the monster. He had deprived his life of rest and health for the sole purpose of infusing life into an inanimate body. He had excessively longed to create it.
1. You can use a thesaurus (www.thesaurus.com) to help find synonyms (and antonyms, too). Here are the many choices for a synonym for "dismal":
http://thesaurus.com/browse/dismal
I'd choose "dolefully" or "sorrowfully."
2. I'd delete "the instruments of life" and insert "his instruments" -- the words "life" and "lifeless" are sufficient in this sentence.
3. Delete the comma. Add a space after the period. (Why aren't you remembering to do this every time?)
6. Instead of "sallow" you might consider "transparent" or one of its synonyms. Insert "us" after "enables" and keep the words in parentheses.
8. Change that last sentence somehow. It seems more like an introductory sentence than a conclusion. Also, the word "excessively" is not quite right.
1) The scene takes place on a gloomy night. It is one in the morning and the rain taps mournfully against the window panes. (Synonym: mournfully)
To check if your sentence is accurate, you can refer to the original text of Chapter 5 in Shelley's Frankenstein. Compare your rephrased sentence with the description provided by the author. Make sure that the meaning and tone are consistent.
2) Frankenstein gathers the tools necessary to bring life to the lifeless being lying at his feet.
To ensure the accuracy of your sentence, you can refer to the original text to see how the author describes Frankenstein's actions. Check if your rephrased sentence captures the essence of Frankenstein collecting the instruments of life.
3) His candle is almost extinguished when he witnesses the creature's dull yellow eye opening. The creature breathes heavily and moves its limbs violently.
To verify the accuracy of your sentence, you can consult the original text to compare the description of the creature's awakening. Check if your rephrased sentence accurately conveys the candle nearing extinction, the creature's eye opening, and its convulsive movements.
4) Dr. Frankenstein struggles to articulate his emotions upon seeing the abomination he has attempted to create.
To check the correctness of your sentence, you can refer to the original text to understand how the author describes Frankenstein's emotional state. Compare your rephrased sentence with the author's description and ensure that the meaning is consistent.
5) Victor feels extremely nauseous, as if he had witnessed a tremendous disaster. Although he had selected the creature's parts based on their beauty, the final result is repulsive.
To verify the accuracy of your sentence, you can refer to the original text to understand Victor's feelings and perception of the creature's appearance. Compare your rephrased sentence with the author's description and ensure they align in terms of the emotions and the creature's repulsiveness.
6) He possesses thin black lips, inhuman eyes, and a withered complexion. His pale skin reveals the visible pulsations of his muscles, arteries, and veins.
To check the accuracy of your sentence, you can consult the original text to understand how the author describes the creature's physical traits. Compare your rephrased sentence with the author's description to ensure correctness and consistency.
7) These physical characteristics contrast with his dense, shiny black hair and pearly white teeth.
To verify the accuracy of your sentence, you can refer to the original text to understand how the author describes the creature's contrasting features. Check if your rephrased sentence aligns with the author's description in terms of the physical traits of the creature.
8) He begins to contemplate the two years he spent creating the monster. He sacrificed his well-being and health solely to bring life to an inanimate body. He had an overwhelming desire to create it.
To ensure the accuracy of your sentence, you can refer to the original text to understand how the author portrays Frankenstein's thoughts and motivations. Compare your rephrased sentence with the author's description and ensure the meaning and intent are consistent.