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english-ms.sue or writateacher possibly help?

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so, i posted an essay question like 10 minutes ago, it's under anonomys though cause i forgot to put my name, anyway, i started the intro to the essay:

Blue or green? Long or short? Yes or no? At some point in your life, you will face a time where you need to make a decision. It could be as straightforward as the color shirt you will wear that day, or as intricate as which job you will take. Whatever you decide, it can and will have an impact on your life. Shakespeare’s captivating play; Romeo and Juliet demonstrates this concept vividly through Romeo’s life. Romeo has to make many life-altering decisions throughout the course of the play. Some of his decisions are quite surprising based on the circumstances he is given. Everyone, including myself has or will be under the pressure of making a tough decision, which we can connect to the feelings of Romeo.

i still need a thesis at the end and i'm not sure if i like the last sentence, could you help me out? and is this good?

  • english-ms.sue or writateacher possibly help? -

    sorry *writeacher

  • English -

    It's been way too long since I read R&J, so I am useless about the specifics of the story.

    However, I'm wondering if you have written the paper and are now writing the introduction. If you have not written at least the rough draft of the body of the paper, you should not be worrying about the intro yet.

    Here is what I've written for students previously:

    DO NOT start any paper's first draft by writing the introduction! How can you introduce a paper that you haven't written yet?

    Follow the writing process, whether you're writing for science, history, English, or any other subject:

    Prewriting: brainstorm, research, plan, outline, thesis statement

    Writing: write first draft by starting with section II of your outline; write introduction after the body of the paper is written; write the conclusion last.

    Polishing: revise, concentrating first on the body of the paper, then the intro, then the concl (revision = making sure ideas are logical and sequential and support your thesis); proofread (spelling, grammar, usage, etc.)

    Do you have a thesis yet? Have you done your brainstorming (and maybe research) yet? Have you written an outline?
    Check in the Essay & Research Paper Level.

    Let us know.

  • english -

    not to disagree but i have never heard to start with the body paragraph, i've always been to well, go in order. i'm trying to write a thesis now, and that's what i'm having trouble with, i have outlined and have a pretty good idea of what i'm going to include in the body.

  • English -

    Good luck.

  • english-ms.sue or writateacher possibly help? -

    can you help my with the thesis?

  • english-ms.sue or writateacher possibly help? -

    What are you going to include in the body? That will tell us what your thesis is.

    I'm more with you, Amy. I need the thesis to help my paper stay on track.

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