any suggestions on the white paper "Things I carry"
Am I on the right track.
Any add ons
The Things I Carry
I carry the ability to be independent. The bus arrives at Yosemite and I am feeling apprehensive because I have yet to be away from my parents. I see the tall beautiful trees and mountains covered with white snow through my window. As we get out of the bus, I feel the cold wind hit me and I am filled with excitement. I bend down and touch the soft snow. Then I step back and take a picture of the area with my camera. It is getting dark and my friend Peter Wang calls me to come inside the dormitory. I know that I can cope with being away. I am strong.
I carry doubt and confusion. I settle my belongings in the dormitory and get ready for dinner. I am eating mashed potatoes, eggplant, sandwiches, and spaghetti with my friends and we discuss our plans for tomorrow. After dinner we go back to our dormitories and get ready to go to sleep. As I am going to sleep, I miss and remember my parents and my brother. I feel sad leaving them and staying in Yosemite for a week. I missed playing with my brother, eating my mother’s food, watching television, and playing video games; I wonder how I can survive for a week here.
I carry dedication and perseverance. I play for the high school tennis team and I realize how important tennis is to me. My team and I are heading to Mount high school to play against their tennis team. As I step on the tennis court, I carry with me emotions and years of experience. I am feeling nervous and a sense of excitement at the same time. I see my opponent on the other side of the court. We come near the net to greet and shake each other’s hands. I can feel the weight of my racket as I start the tournament off with a great fast serve. I return every ball my opponent hits with determination and pride. I do not want to lose hope. My determination helps me win the tournament. From this tournament I learn the importance of practice and never giving up on dreams.
I carry stress of school. It is lunch time and I have my first chemistry midterm next period. Suddenly I hear the school bell ring and I head toward my next period class. I say hello to my teacher, Mr. Neil, and he replies back to me with good afternoon. My hands are shaking and I begin to sweat as I slowly take out my pen and pencil. As Mr. Neil passes out the midterms, I try to recall the important concepts and formulas. The time starts and I panic by looking at the first question. I decide to close my eyes for a minute and take a long deep breath. As I release my breath, all the tension is gone and I am able to concentrate on the test. I am relieved after answering all the questions on the test in half the time. As I leave the classroom, I carry with me the importance of staying calm and confident even in stressful situations.
I carry with me the problem-solving skills that I learn from my Yosemite trip, tennis tournament and the stressful situation during my chemistry midterm. These skills include the ability to be independent, show dedication and perseverance, and stay cool in stressful situations. I use these skills every day and they shape me into a better person. I am secure in the knowledge that, because of these past events, I am ready to confront the future.
The white paper "Things I Carry" seems to focus on the author's personal experiences and the lessons they have learned from various situations such as being independent, dealing with doubt and confusion, showing dedication and perseverance, and handling stress. The paper suggests that these experiences and skills have shaped the author into a better person, ready to face the future.
It appears that the author is on the right track in sharing their personal experiences and the impact those experiences have had on their character development. The paper showcases the author's ability to reflect on their past and the lessons learned, which can be quite powerful for readers.
As for add-ons or suggestions, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples or anecdotes from the author's experiences to further illustrate their points. This could include specific moments or conversations that had a significant impact on the author's understanding of independence, doubt, dedication, perseverance, and stress management. Adding specific details can make the paper more engaging and relatable for the reader.
Additionally, it might be helpful to tie the themes and lessons learned in the paper to broader concepts or ideas. For example, how did these experiences shape the author's outlook on life or their goals and aspirations? How can these lessons be applied in different areas of life, such as education, relationships, or personal growth?
Overall, the white paper has a strong foundation, but expanding on specific examples and relating the lessons learned to broader concepts can enhance its depth and impact.