college english

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I have to revise sentences to eliminate illogical or overused coordination. Is the following sentence correct? Thanks!

Fencing equipment includes a mask, a padded jacket, and a glove, and one of three weapons-a foil,epee, or saber-and a fencer's technique and targets differ depending on the weapon used and the fencer's experience.

Revised: Fencing equipment includes a mask, a padded jacket, a glove, and one of three weapons: a foil, epee, or saber. A fencer's technique and targets differ depending on the weapon used and the fencer's experience.

  • college english -

    yes, good.

  • college english -

    Thanks! Ok I have another one :)

    I think this one is correct: Generally, a fencer specializes in one of the three weapons, but some competitors are equally skilled with all three.

    Is that one correct or do I need to revise it?

  • college english -

    Looks good.

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