I have to revise sentences to eliminate illogical or overused coordination. Is the following sentence correct? Thanks!
Fencing equipment includes a mask, a padded jacket, and a glove, and one of three weapons-a foil,epee, or saber-and a fencer's technique and targets differ depending on the weapon used and the fencer's experience.
Revised: Fencing equipment includes a mask, a padded jacket, a glove, and one of three weapons: a foil, epee, or saber. A fencer's technique and targets differ depending on the weapon used and the fencer's experience.
yes, good.
Thanks! Ok I have another one :)
I think this one is correct: Generally, a fencer specializes in one of the three weapons, but some competitors are equally skilled with all three.
Is that one correct or do I need to revise it?
Looks good.
Yes, the revised sentence is correct. It effectively eliminates the illogical coordination by creating two separate sentences to clarify the different elements of the original sentence.
To revise a sentence to eliminate illogical or overused coordination, you can follow these steps:
1. Identify the coordinating conjunctions (such as "and," "or," "but") that connect multiple items or ideas in the sentence.
2. Determine if the coordination is logical and necessary. If there is any ambiguity or confusion, consider breaking up the sentence into multiple sentences or using other sentence structures to provide clarity.
3. Rewrite the sentence, separating the different elements or ideas into distinct parts. This can be done by using punctuation marks like commas or colons or creating separate sentences.
4. Ensure that the revised sentence maintains coherence and conveys the intended meaning clearly.
By following these steps, you can effectively revise sentences to eliminate illogical or overused coordination and improve the readability and clarity of your writing.