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Is this a good thesis statement or is it too broad with the 4th Amendment part ?

Should i Cut it out ?

An analysis on different methods to ban steroids in sports brings a challenge to the sports industry: accepting methods like drug testing before and after games or taking a athletes urine sample is also invasion of privacy according to the IV Amendement of the US Constitution.

  • English -

    I think it sounds fine truley!

  • English -

    Your thesis statement is too long and broad.

    Check these sites for tips for writing thesis statements.

    http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/thesis.html

    http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/545/01/

  • English -

    So should I say .

    An analysis on different methods to ban steroids in sports brings a challenge to the sports industry: drug testing before and after games hasn't changed the number of athletes who secretively use the type of steroids which cannot be detected.

  • English -

    That's o.k. I assume your paper will explore the secret use of steroids that cannot be detected.

    Hmm! What evidence do you have that that's true?

  • English -

    Well Growth Hormones have become relatively hard to detect because we make them within our bodies.

    which is what I found out through research

  • English -

    Originally I was trying to find out what is the better method to prevent steroids in sports because I already had many sources which have researched the different approaches to discouraging using steroids...

    but I just did not know how to word it..


    As a result I came out with various arguments
    ..

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