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I have to create a mood poem so I am posting it onto here for you to suggest on what I could add to it to make it better and any other recommendations. I would like to hear your opinion on the poem I've established. If some words seem awkward, then I would appreciate you changing them, thank you very much:-)

The first one is a mood poem.

Here are the instructions to make one:

A. State a mood
B. Write three things the mood is not (two stated briefly, one stated as a comparison).
C. Switch to a statement of what the mood is.
D. State three more descriptions of the mood.


Here is an example of a poem:

I'm happy
Not spaced-out silly-faced happy
Not delirious with a fever happy
Not happy like a man who has pleaseantly lost his memory
But just under the surface of my skin happy
Glad that life is still mine despite problems
Glad that I still appreciate a good sunset
Glad that I am still in love


Here is mine:

I'm astonished
Not eyes popped out astonished
Not blank paged astonished
Not astonished like a man who's found millions of dollars in his pockets
But just overwhelmingly from the deep inside astonished
Surprised to see the love spreading between enemies
Surprised to hear heaven living on earth
Surprised to know my mission's over and time is up.

  • English -

    Beautiful!

  • English-Ms. Sue -

    Thank you. Ms. Sue I like my poem as well, but is the ending okay?

    Surprised to know my mission's over and time is up.

    Does that ending make sense?

    I'm kind of trying to say throughout the poem that God has sent me down to store love in everyone's lives; which I have done in this poem; which I have completed in doing, which is why God is taking me away; meaning my time is up.

    Could that last sentence be rephrased into something better?

  • English -

    I don't think that my last sentence would make sense to other readers.

  • English -

    That's how I interpreted the last line.

    Perhaps you could change the word "over" to "accomplished."

  • English -

    Yeah, I like that word, thank you. Do you also think that I shouls change time is up to: time's up?

  • English -

    That's a good idea.

  • English -

    Thank You very much:-)

  • English -

    You are very welcome.

    :-)

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