9th grade English
posted by Verlee
This is the 2nd body paragraph for my Romeo and Juliet essay about fate. Can you please read over it and please give me your opinion and any advice on how to make it better.
Throughout the play, the characters have mentioned fate and fortune numerous times which exhibits their belief that predetermined events play throughout their lives. Near the beginning of the play, before Romeo goes to the Capulet's party, where he meets and falls in love with Juliet, he makes known that he has an unusual feeling and says, "Some consequence, yet hanging in ther stars/ Shall bitterly begin this fearful date..." (I.iv.107-108). He fears that Fate has something in stored for him, starting that night. His premonition fallows what the Chorus says in the Prolouge. Later in the play, Romeo chalenges Juliet's cousin, Tybalt, to a duel. Although Romeo emerges victorious, slaying Tybalt at the spot, Romeo immediately regrets his actions and exclaims, "O, I am fortune's fool!" (III.i.129). This suggests that Romeo believes that Fortune, not himself, was responsible for Tybalts death.
"Throughout the play, the characters have mentioned fate and fortune numerous times which exhibits their belief that predetermined events play throughout their lives."
Flows better as:
"Throughout the play, the characters mention fate and fortune numerous times, exhibiting their belief that predetermined events play throughout their lives."
Try to narrow down the summarizing of the story, you spend too much of the writing trying to tell the reader what happens in the story, and instead of having a literary response, it has become more of a summary.
Allow me to grade it:
(Out of 10)
Ideas: 6 (Try for some more original concepts, think outside the box. It doesn't have to make sense, you just have to make it sound like it makes sense.)
Vocabulary: 8 (Good usage of vocabulary, definetly sufficient)
Hope this helps!
you need an apostrophe on "Tybalts" in the last line.
what is the poem a voice by pat mora about?
you need an apostarophe at the end of the sentence in order to state that it is stateing something.
Don't use run-on sentences!! which means if or when possible, start a new sentence.