eng college

posted by .

Can someone please help revise. It is a proposal for a research paper! Thank You!

Work and family are both central to our way of life. Finding a balance between the two is an issue of importance to men, women, and employers. Therefore, I will argue that the constant struggle to meet our responsibilities both as employees, but also as breadwinners and mothers and father has ultimately negatively affected the family and society as a whole.
I will support my study by analyzing the negative impact of parents work experience, on the family that then spill over into our society. Work schedules have contributed to current social issues varying from delinquency to even obesity. For example, parental work schedules threatening family meals. Inflexible work hours have made it difficult for parents to even provide a good homemade healthy meal for their children, causing obesity in children.

  • ok how about this? -

    Work and family are both central to our way of life. Finding a balance between the two is an issue of importance to men, women, and employers. The current work standards in United States and the lack of family friendly policies implemented in the workplace has created tensions between work and home life. I will argue that the constant struggle to meet our responsibilities both as employees, but also as breadwinners and mothers and father has ultimately negatively affected the family.

  • eng college -

    Much better. That first sentence sticks in my craw, but this is a proposal. (central to our way of life...flag waving).

    The last sentence is strong, and I think a good basis for a paper.

  • English -

    This is not college level writing. Before you go farther, read these thoroughly and carefully:
    http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/07/07/the-differences-between-college-writing-and-high-school-writing/
    and
    http://blog.eduify.com/index.php/2009/06/21/5-tips-on-how-to-write-a-strong-thesis-statement/

    Get rid of "I will argue..." This is 3rd grade writing at best.

    Please re-post when you have revised.

  • eng college -

    I see no difference between the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs you posted.

  • eng college -

    One additional thing:

    Your first and last sentences in the revised paragraph you wrote seem to contradict each other. You may not have to turn in a complete explanation of that to your instructor, but you should be prepared to explain how you plan to bridge from that first concept to the last one.

Respond to this Question

First Name
School Subject
Your Answer

Similar Questions

  1. Elec. and Comm. Eng'g

    This is my outline to my research paper. (Topic): The Importance of Networking in Selling Company's Product (Thesis Statement): Networking is the best way in selling company's product. I. What is importance of networking in selling …
  2. english-please revise

    Question: What was your experience with the Center for Writing Excellence (CWE) in the past?
  3. englishe- please revise

    Now that you have finished your research paper, what advice would you give to students starting this course?
  4. Research Writing

    My topic is on Abortion and I am supposed to come up with a thesis statement. Create a thesis statement for your research paper. Abortion is one of the most controversial moral issues of our age. Although pro-choice and pro-life arguments …
  5. English Research Report

    Our class has to write a research report on any controversial topic we choose from a list. I chose teenage pregnancies. However, we have to present the two sides of the issue we chose. Most of the articles and information I'm finding …
  6. Business

    I have to research a current ethical issue that deals with a change midstream of expectations or ground rules. I am not asking for help with the paper but I am drawing a blank on a current ethical issue that would meet this criteria. …
  7. please help

    can someone please revise?? only a proposal Work and family are both central to our way of life. Finding a balance between the two is an issue of importance to men, women, and employers. The current work standards in United States
  8. HIT 105 research paper

    I am doing a paper on HIPAA and I need to cite my work. Have the paper finished but I am having problems citing my work. Could someone help me please?
  9. English Class (Research Topic)

    Can someone explain this please? Our research paper must not be a general biography of the writer and/or a book report. It should instead focus on controversies or differing interpretations about his/her work, or on questions raised
  10. college english

    my professor want's us to write an abstract proposal on our reserch topic " Is our food safe to eat?

More Similar Questions