posted by Franco

Can you check the following two paragraphs please? Thank you in advance

1) Last year, on Christmas Day, my relatives came to my home (house) for lunch. At the end of the lunch my mum stood up to go the kitchen to get the dessert. She was talking and she wasn’t paying attention, so she tripped over a Christmas light wire. She tried to hang onto the table cloth but she lost her balance and fell on the Christmas tree which fell, too. Some dishes broke up falling on the ground. The scene was very funny. After a starting fear, while my mother was blushing, everybody began to laugh.
2) During my winter holidays I went to the mountains with my friends. One day nobody felt up to going skiing with me. So I decided to go alone. The weather was terrible: it was foggy and snowy. Suddenly I crashed into a tree and I fell over. I was in the middle of nowhere and I thought that my right leg was broken. Luckily I had my phone with me so I called the mountain rescue and they took me to hospital. It was a really stupid idea! I’ll never go back alone (or on my own) again.

  1. Writeacher

    Commas needed in places; see #s 2 and 3.

    Rephrase ~~> At first we all felt fear for her, while ...

    Rephrase ~~> I'll never go skiing alone again.

    Delete everything in parentheses.

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