English

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i need this script proofread and edited please

Scene: Jacob and Mary are at Jerome’s House, to return the engagement ring.
The house shows age, broken windows on both sides of the house and a large porch.


Jacob: All right Mary, were here.
Mary: (Scared face) Knock the door for me please.
Jacob: You came all the way here and you’re too scared to knock the door.
Mary: Please…..
(Jacob pauses, and then knocks at the door)
Jacob: (Shouts) Come out Mackenzie! Your girl has something for you.
Mary: (Annoyed face) Jacob! Not so loud.
Jacob: Clam down…, I am surging with excitement to see his face when you tell him the bad news.
(The door bursts open)
Jerome: (Surprised Face) Is that you Jacob?
Jacob: The one and only.
Jerome: (Grins) The one and only who would buy a suite like that.
Jacob: (Grins) You’re the one and only who is going to get your cheap wedding ring back.
Jerome: (Surprised face) Is this true Mary?
Mary; (Looks down) I am afraid so.
Jerome: (Angry face) How could you Mary?
Jacob: (Grins) How dare you try to marry my Mary?
Jerome: This is all you’re doing Jacob, isn’t it; you and your pathetic father can’t stop making trouble for my family
Jacob: (Angry face) My father is not pathetic! He is a war hero!
Jerome: (Grins) A war hero that pushes a baby carriage to pay off a debt.
(Jacob punches Jerome in the face)
Jacob: That’s what you get for making fun of my father.
Jerome: (Angry face) Mary, how could you allow him to do this to me.
Mary: He’s a man that just came from Toronto he can do what ever he wants.
Jerome: Good, I am a man of this city and I have been doing things to your sister.
Mary: (Pained) What!
Jerome: You heard me; Dot got those wounds from me.
Mary: She told me she got them from the foster care lady.
Jerome: I told her to say that, every time you are out working for Mrs. Dawe I pick her up from the foster home and beat her to clean the house.
(Mary takes out a gun from her clothes and shoots Jerome in the head)
Jacob: Mary!
(Slight pause)
Mary: That’s what you get for abusing my sister Jerome.
Jacob: Where did you get the gun from Mary!?
Mary: Stole one from Mrs. Dawe’s house.

  • English -

    The English is terrible. Did you proofread it?

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