i need this script proofread and edited please
Scene: Jacob and Mary are at Jerome’s House, to return the engagement ring.
The house shows age, broken windows on both sides of the house and a large porch.
Jacob: All right Mary, were here.
Mary: (Scared face) Knock the door for me please.
Jacob: You came all the way here and you’re too scared to knock the door.
Mary: Please…..
(Jacob pauses, and then knocks at the door)
Jacob: (Shouts) Come out Mackenzie! Your girl has something for you.
Mary: (Annoyed face) Jacob! Not so loud.
Jacob: Clam down…, I am surging with excitement to see his face when you tell him the bad news.
(The door bursts open)
Jerome: (Surprised Face) Is that you Jacob?
Jacob: The one and only.
Jerome: (Grins) The one and only who would buy a suite like that.
Jacob: (Grins) You’re the one and only who is going to get your cheap wedding ring back.
Jerome: (Surprised face) Is this true Mary?
Mary; (Looks down) I am afraid so.
Jerome: (Angry face) How could you Mary?
Jacob: (Grins) How dare you try to marry my Mary?
Jerome: This is all you’re doing Jacob, isn’t it; you and your pathetic father can’t stop making trouble for my family
Jacob: (Angry face) My father is not pathetic! He is a war hero!
Jerome: (Grins) A war hero that pushes a baby carriage to pay off a debt.
(Jacob punches Jerome in the face)
Jacob: That’s what you get for making fun of my father.
Jerome: (Angry face) Mary, how could you allow him to do this to me.
Mary: He’s a man that just came from Toronto he can do what ever he wants.
Jerome: Good, I am a man of this city and I have been doing things to your sister.
Mary: (Pained) What!
Jerome: You heard me; Dot got those wounds from me.
Mary: She told me she got them from the foster care lady.
Jerome: I told her to say that, every time you are out working for Mrs. Dawe I pick her up from the foster home and beat her to clean the house.
(Mary takes out a gun from her clothes and shoots Jerome in the head)
Jacob: Mary!
(Slight pause)
Mary: That’s what you get for abusing my sister Jerome.
Jacob: Where did you get the gun from Mary!?
Mary: Stole one from Mrs. Dawe’s house.
The English is terrible. Did you proofread it?
Here is a proofread and edited version of the script:
Scene: Jacob and Mary are at Jerome’s House, returning the engagement ring. The house shows signs of age, with broken windows on both sides and a large porch.
Jacob: Alright, Mary, we're here.
Mary: (Scared face) Can you knock on the door for me, please?
Jacob: You came all the way here, and you're too scared to knock on the door?
Mary: Please...
(Jacob pauses, then knocks on the door)
Jacob: (Shouts) Mackenzie, come out! Your girl has something for you.
Mary: (Annoyed face) Jacob, not so loud.
Jacob: Calm down, I'm just excited to see his reaction when you tell him the news.
(The door bursts open)
Jerome: (Surprised face) Jacob, is that you?
Jacob: The one and only.
Jerome: (Grinning) The one and only who would buy a suit like that.
Jacob: (Grinning) And you're the one and only who's getting your cheap wedding ring back.
Jerome: (Surprised face) Is this true, Mary?
Mary: (Looks down) I'm afraid so.
Jerome: (Angry face) How could you, Mary?
Jacob: (Angry face) How dare you try to marry my Mary?
Jerome: This is all your doing, Jacob, isn't it? You and your pathetic father can't stop causing trouble for my family.
Jacob: (Angry face) My father is not pathetic! He is a war hero!
Jerome: (Grinning) A war hero who pushes a baby carriage to pay off debts.
(Jacob punches Jerome in the face)
Jacob: That's what you get for making fun of my father.
Jerome: (Angry face) Mary, how could you allow him to do this to me?
Mary: He's a man who just came from Toronto. He can do whatever he wants.
Jerome: Good. I'm a man of this city, and I've been doing things to your sister.
Mary: (Pained) What?
Jerome: You heard me. Dot got those wounds from me.
Mary: She told me she got them from the foster care lady.
Jerome: I told her to say that. Whenever you're busy working for Mrs. Dawe, I pick her up from the foster home and beat her to clean the house.
(Mary takes out a gun from her clothes and shoots Jerome in the head)
Jacob: Mary!
(Slight pause)
Mary: That's what you get for abusing my sister, Jerome.
Jacob: Where did you get the gun from, Mary?
Mary: I stole it from Mrs. Dawe's house.