This is for my art paper but i was wondering if somebody can check my grammar mistakes...I'd really appreciate it..it is due 11/12/09
Formal Analysis:
A Geometric krater, from Dipylon cemetery, Athens date back to 750BC from Geometric Period, is of the magnificent creative object which is there for decoration, however more importantly; it gives detail of funeral procession. It is about four feet high and made out of terracotta. It is in the shape of a vase which is a semi oval and its base stand vertical. It has a narrow base which supports the weight of the vase. From base onward, it spreads out and it is hollow from inside to mix water and wine in the Geometric period. There are two handles on the each side. There are series of horizontal bands from top to bottom and some are very thin and some are thick bands surrounding the vase. There are two strong horizontal bands where death narrations can be easily seen because there are depiction of human and horses. Between those narrations there are number of thin bands which goes around the vase that separated both stories form each other. All the way to the top, a band characterizing the meander design linked to early Greek art which is repeated at the middle of the base. Furthermore, first band after the pattern band, it depicts funeral procession. It can be easily seen as a funeral procession because there is a dead who is laid on an open coffin in the middle of the handle. The dead body is placed at the top to separate from other individual to make that person important. It seems that body is being carried away by a carriage by the help of two horses, but it is difficult to count from their bodies because they are stack together. Therefore, there is a lack of realism when it comes to depicting human and animals. In addition, depictions are narrow to geometric shape which reflects the notion of geometric period in ancient Greek. As we looked at the carcass, we also see checker sheet surrounding the body, but raised above the body to disclose the dead to the viewers. There are numbers of figures standing line by line with small space in between them and they are depicted in geometric style such as, triangle torso and long legs and all of them have hand over their head. Close to the handles, there are two circles on each side of the handles and below are mourners in standing position. As artist moved to the second band, artist showed rows of chariots which are ridden by figures who looked like a bitten apple from the middle. Each chariot has two horses and one rider with rope in their hand. Throughout the Geometric period, large forms of vases were used as grave markers often depicted funeral scenes and this was one of the grave markers.
Plz...I did whatever I could do to fixs my mistakes..
Thanks
Great job Jasmine, but you've got a couple run-on sentences.(too long)
Love Searah
my Prof. is driving me crazy.. she is not even accepting this...saying it is not following writing criteria
Jasmine, I know how you feel. I am supposed to be in 5th grade, but I skipped 3 grades. I am the smartest in my class and just because I am young the teachers drive me nuts. Let it be.
Your essay is fine. What you get is what you get.
Searah -- do you really think you're knowledgable enough to advise a college student on her writing? Professors demand much more sophisticated and mature writing than elementary and middle school teachers.
Sorry Ms. Sue I did not know she was in college. Wow!
I thought I was suppose to get help here...but you are torturing instead of helping...
Jasmine, I assume that English is your second language.
Here are corrections for the first part of your paper.
A geometric krater, from Dipylon cemetery, Athens, dates to 750BC. It is a magnificent creative bowl which shows detail of a funeral procession. It is about four feet high and made out of terracotta. It is a semi-oval vase on a vertical base which supports the weight of the vase. From the base, it spreads out and is hollow inside to mix water and wine. There are two handles on the each side. Two series of thick and thin horizontal bands surround the vase. Death scenes can be easily seen because there are depiction of human and horses. How do humans and horses depict death scenes?
What exactly is the assignment for this paper?
Please work on the rest of this paper and repost it.
Ms. Sue is right. You really need to work on this.
In addition, I took one look, even without reading a word, and decided not to read the paper. You need to plan and write essays that have actual paragraphs in them -- each paragraph having a specific purpose:
~~ introduction, with thesis statement at the end
~~ 2-4 internal paragraphs, each one supporting your thesis statement
~~ conclusion
Thanks, Ms. Sue. I appreciate your help.
Yes, English is my 2nd language. This paper is for my Greek art class. We had to looked at the object and described every details of it. I will be reposting it when I'm done fixing my mistakes(I'll do my best)