American National Government
posted by B.B. .
Civil Liberties; Freedom of Religion: Currently, do we need more or less protection of this liberty in contemporary American society?
My answer is: I feel that we need more protection so that the safety of the rights for the people remain safe. That everybody should be able to choose their own religion without having a fear of being punished because of the way they believe.
Is there anything else that I should include? Also, is this what the question is asking?
It is an opinion question, all answers must be right. You did not develop your arguments very convincingly.
Bob Pursley is right. You need to develop (i.e., explain) the statements you've written.
"I feel that we need more protection so that the safety of the rights for the people remain safe." More protection than what? You have "safety ... safe." How can you rephrase without having forms of the same word in that sentence twice? Also, you imply that people's rights are already safe ("remain safe"), so you need to explain why and how something that is already safe can/should be made safer!
"That everybody should be able to choose their own religion without having a fear of being punished because of the way they believe." This is not a complete sentence. Delete the word "That" at the beginning. This part of your answer indicates that the only right you are addressing is that of freedom of religion. You aren't going to address other rights? What other rights are there? Are you referring to the Bill of Rights -- that is, Amendments I - X to the US Constitution?
What do you think about this?
My answer: I feel that we need more protection of this liberty in contemporary society so that people can continue to have the opportunity to succeed in life as well as with the law regardless of their etnicity or social status. I also feel that this will allow the people to not have to fear for their safety and they can freely express themselve.
Do you think this is suitable?