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Creative Writing. ms.sue

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ok . here's the 2nd && 3rd paragraph:

It was when I woke up that I found out that my parents had left for the hospital. This news was much unexpected and caught me by surprise. Immediately I was filled with pleasure and enthusiasm; I had been waiting for this day for a long time now. A few hours went by with not much news from my dad. Now my excitement was slowly turning into anxiety and uneasiness.

It was around six o clock when the phone rang. I don’t know why but I jumped when I heard it, and ran to pick it up. It was just one of my aunt’s asking me how everything was going. She was disappointed when I couldn’t give her enough information. There were many other calls after this one, but I didn’t bother to answer; I knew they weren’t from my dad. The day seemed to stretch on forever, mostly because there was nothing to do but wait. It was around this time when the negative feelings started to overcome me. All I could think was: what if something went wrong? This concern was not present in any of my siblings.

ms. sue can you please check these two paragraphs for me, please

  • Creative Writing. ms.sue -

    Looks good. The only thing that bothers me is the repetition of "It was around . . ."

  • Creative Writing. ms.sue -

    ok thanks. i'll change that

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