My professor says my thesis needs "more argument." does my essay sound good and strong and argumentative?
Many people have dreams whether it is to buy their dream car, dream house, or go on their dream vacation. Here in the land of freedom and opportunities, there is one dream that everyone strives for; the American Dream. The American Dream can mean different things to many people. For some it can mean success or freedom, for others, it can mean having lots of money and luxurious things. In today’s society, almost every person hopes for this dream. But is it possible for each and every person to achieve this dream? Some people go to school, get a well-paying job, and are able to make it to the top while the fortunate ones get there on pure luck. Then there are others who have difficulties climbing the economic ladder and remain at the bottom discovering this dream is nothing more than a myth with endless trials and disappointments. While some are struggling to survive in this world today, Americans should appreciate what they have and realize the benefits this country has to offer them; that with hard work, determination, and a good education, anyone can succeed with the right attitude.
So what is the American Dream? Essentially it is the idea that anyone can succeed through thrift and hard work, and be potentially happy living a successful life. People were always taught that if they were honest and worked hard enough, they were able to obtain their dreams. However, the American Dream seems to be more difficult to reach nowadays because not everyone is content with what they have. Society is caught up by the media and everything around them and are brainwashed to believe that the American Dream includes big mansions, luxury cars, and expensive possessions. The definition of success has also been changing over the decades and is causing people to desire things that they never would have before. As some would define success by getting married and having a family, others would define it by making a six-figure salary and wearing designer clothes and accessories. With today’s generation, it is never enough and people tend to want more and more which raises the standards of success for some people causing many to lose hope in their dreams. When people are not satisfied or happy with what they have now, it leads to unhappiness and desiring more means having to make more money. In Toni Cade Bambara’s “The Lesson” Sugar quotes, “Well we got four dollars anyways, we could go to Hascombs and get half a chocolate layer and then go to the Sunset and still have plenty money for potato chips and ice cream sodas.” Instead of struggling to pay off credit cards used to pay for unnecessary material things, people should learn to be content and happy with what they currently have and perhaps they would be able achieve success.
Success in America is not guaranteed, however, neither is it a guaranteed doom of failure. America is known for its diversity of cultures filled with many difference colors and backgrounds. Every individual is given the opportunity to succeed regardless of what they are or where they came from. Although, it is true that a white child raised in an upper-class neighborhood will have greater chances of success then an African-American or Hispanic child who was raised in a poor community, it does not mean that success cannot be obtained. In Ken Hamblin’s “The Black Avenger” he states, “I have never believed – because I was never told – that because of the color of my skin I could never get the fullest measure of opportunity in America.” Chances for success in America are definitely possible if a person is determined enough and put the extra effort in to it. To say that because of one’s gender, race, color, religion, sexual orientation or background, success is unattainable, is just another excuse to give up. It might take more work and motivation to climb to the top, but if everyone knew the benefits and resources available to them, they would realize that success is very possible.
Education is certainly not necessary for someone to become successful. Look at Bill Gates, Thomas Edison, and Steven Spielberg. However, not everyone has the same intelligence and skills of these men. Many people require a good education background. It has been traditionally said that a good education leads to success. It is a fact that a person who graduated with a college degree has greater chances of finding a well-paying job than those who do not. The government offers assistance to those interested in a higher education. Government grants, financial aid, and scholarships are just to name a few. Many people are not even aware of the benefits available to them because they are not informed about it or they might not have the tools to research about it. Some may not even feel they are good enough or smart enough to even try. Despite a person’s race or background, no one should feel that just because they are born in poverty or grew up in a lower class neighborhood, they have to stay that way or live that way. Bambara states, “Where we are is who we are. But it don’t necessarily have to be that way…poor people have to wake up and demand their share of the pie” (p. 276). People need to start believing in themselves and know that the sky is the limit. If everyone would take advantage of all the free money and benefits that is available to them, they could reach their goals and see that anything is possible.
For many generations, people sought out for their American dream and believed it was attainable. However, lately it has become a myth to some and many are losing hope for the future. It does not have to be this way though. Many immigrants fled to America. The fortunate ones arrived on a plane, while the not so fortunate ones arrived on a boat. Despite the financial hardships and language barriers, they still managed to save money, open up their own business, and do what they came here to do; achieve their American Dreams. If these people can do it, anyone can do it. People have to wake up and realize the good things this country has to offer and learn that this world is not perfect. Everyone has to work hard for success, but for success to happen, one must seek the opportunity and take advantage of it. No one said that life would be easy. Society needs to also understand the true meaning to success and what it means to them. Moreover, they need to realize that with the right attitude, determination, and motivation, it is possible for any individual, regardless of color or where they came from, to rise above the rest.
Get your thesis statement straightened out first. Then we can deal with the rest of the paper.
Your thesis statement is too wordy. Are you trying to argue that Americans do not realize that the "American Dream" is the possibility, not the guarantee, to achieve by determination and hard work.
yes that is my argument. that the american dream is possible.
Based on the provided text, it does contain elements of argument, but it could be strengthened to make it more persuasive and convincing. Here are a few suggestions to improve the argument in your essay:
1. Clarify Your Thesis Statement: Your thesis statement should clearly state your main argument or position on the American Dream. Currently, your thesis states that Americans should appreciate what they have and that anyone can succeed with hard work, determination, and a good education. However, it does not strongly address the challenges and obstacles in reaching the American Dream or respond to the professor's feedback. Consider revising your thesis statement to directly address the need for a more accessible American Dream and overcoming barriers to success.
2. Use Evidence and Examples: To make your argument stronger, incorporate specific evidence, examples, and statistics to support your claims. For instance, you mentioned Toni Cade Bambara's quote and Ken Hamblin's statement, but you could further analyze and explain how these examples relate to your argument. Additionally, consider incorporating data or studies that demonstrate the difficulties faced by individuals from different backgrounds in achieving the American Dream.
3. Acknowledge Counterarguments: Make sure to address potential counterarguments or opposing viewpoints to strengthen your argument. By acknowledging different perspectives and offering counterarguments, you demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and enhance the credibility of your argument.
4. Provide a Clear Structure: Organize your essay in a logical and coherent manner. Consider using topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader through your argument. This will make your essay more readable and help the reader follow your line of reasoning.
5. Revise and Edit for Clarity: Read through your essay to ensure your arguments are clearly articulated and supported. Check for any grammatical errors or areas of confusion, and make necessary revisions to improve the clarity and coherence of your writing.
Remember, a strong argumentative essay should present a clear and compelling thesis, support it with evidence and examples, address counterarguments, and use a logical structure. Taking these suggestions into account while revising your essay can help make it more persuasive and convincing.